Experience More or Die
The Unrest of the Creative Mind
Imagine leaving all your material possessions and everyone you know to pursue a completely unknown future for an unknown amount of time where you don’t know where you’ll be sleeping from one night to the next. No, you’re not a refugee. You’re a semi-successful middle-aged white girl and you’re in pursuit of your dreams.
RECOGNIZING WHEN IT’S TIME TO MOVE ON
Life as I knew it started to come unhinged when, on a conference call, listening to my brilliant coworkers rock it out, it occurred to me that I didn’t have the passion for my field that I once had. This lack of professional purpose was, of course, affecting my job performance but it was also devastating to my overall life satisfaction. After 17 years, I found myself professionally lost, and I knew it was time to make some serious changes.
That conference call kicked off an exhausting amount of introspection which ultimately led me to downsize from my 1,500 square foot home and 1/4 acre yard to a 35L backpack. I began asking myself the important questions in life that cause all the destruction and chaos.
“What do I want to do with my life?”
“What do I feel impassioned about?”
“What do I not suck at?”
DO IT WITH PASSION OR NOT AT ALL
After a long period of soul searching, my interests led me to an enormously chaotic and creative public project. All the ingredients for epic failure and public humiliation were there. We had:
● Press
● City officials
● Tight timelines
● No money
● Collaborating with and relying upon an enormous breadth of creatives who were very recently strangers and
● Poor communication
I learned some life altering lessons from that project. I learned that it’s not money and it’s not simply the challenge of bringing an idea to life that motivates me; it’s the satisfaction of creating happiness for others. Watching thousands of people engaging with and enjoying my hard work was wildly fulfilling and I immediately wanted to do more. So I did.
I joined forces with a friend and fellow visionary. I researched, wrote and spoke whenever I was asked and we collaborated with as many people as we could until I had 2 full time jobs that were both incredibly demanding.
We exist on this earth for some undetermined period of time. During that time we do things. Some of these things are important. Some of them are unimportant. And those important things give our lives meaning and happiness. — Mark Manson
As I abandoned the constraints of client work and started to create for myself I began to hone in on what gave my life meaning. And knowing what I know about myself and how I learn, I put in my notice so I could devote myself completely to the cause.
I figured out how I’m going to save the world and I know my next step. My passion for achieving my goals is driving me forward at an unstoppable momentum. And I’m just beginning to be okay with how terrified I am as I hurtle down this hill.
MY VERSION OF THE AMERICAN DREAM
Having found how I want to leave my mark; I sold my beautiful house, quit my comfortable but demanding life and hit the road. I’m now making my way to Europe so I can experience how cities and artists are solving problems when regulations are flexible enough to be supportive of innovation and there is funding for art. My introverted side will shine as I take a moment to live and observe human life in some of the most well-designed environments in the world.
“The question isn’t who is going to let me; it’s who is going to stop me.” — Ayn Rand
I’m somewhat embarrassed by the extremes to which I have taken to satisfy my unrest but it felt like I didn’t have a choice; it was experience more or die. Between us though, I’m not fearless. I’m really scared. And I’ve definitely been talked down from a few panic attacks throughout this process (thank you, you know who you are).
I often say that the best part of being a grown up is doing whatever-the-fuck you want. This is my chance to exercise my right as a grown-ass woman. And no matter how much that next step scares me I have to take it anyway because I want to know what’s out there.
Here I go…
About me:
I’m a Light Experience Artist with a passion for happiness economics and urban design. I am just over a month into my journey and in my third US city. I’m writing this from the incredibly bike and pedestrian friendly community of Bloomington, Indiana; home of Indiana University. Over the next 2 weeks I will be stopping in Indianapolis, Indiana, and Chicago, Illinois, before landing in Barcelona, Spain.
Find me elsewhere:
anniem.me
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Related reading that I enjoyed:
7 Strange Questions That Help You Find Your Life Purpose by Mark Manson
