Beloved John : Pages From The Diary
The central theme for the poem “Beloved John” is elegy and in my opinion out of all the poems i have written i think this is one of the saddest. It’s entirely based on one of friend’s real life incident. He lost his father back in 2020 because of Covid. It’s sort of like you’re writing letter to your deceased father who lived his entire life in another country and unexpectedly passed away with whom you didn’t get the chance to spend more time or get to know each other and your world isn’t the same, now you’re lamenting as well as bidding farewell through a letter somewhere hidden in the pages of your diary.
beloved john
it’s so hard to accept the fact that
you’re forever gone…
i miss you to pieces
i know you aren’t coming back but still….
i wish you would….
i wish i could’ve spent more time with you
crack a joke and maybe make you laugh
re-live the childhood i dreamed…but never had…
beloved john
you left invisible scars and wounds just like my brand new tattoos
but still i do….
keep missing you….
life was starting to be a thrill until it went downward spiral
i don’t know what’s going to happen
i don’t know what to do
sometimes i wonder will i ever live up to be great as you?
they say a man shouldn’t show his weakness in his eyes
i shed my sacred tears not just in front of anyone but few i trust
i wallow in my pain
vague and mundane
just letting it all wash away in the rain
my only companions; rum and joint
nostalgia hits different every now and then at midnights
smoke filled room, restless mind and a few hours till sunshine
questioning myself…
how long are these going to last?
my trying times…
beloved john
it breaks me that i didn’t get to hear your single word
now that you’re gone it’s not the end
i have to be strong and focus on new ventures to begin
you will forever live in my heart and the ones you loved
just thankful for the short lived memories that we made along the way
beloved john
p.s boundless love from your dear Son
Liner Notes:
May 16, 2021 released from the archives
Exactly one year ago i can picture myself writing these lines in self isolation period. I wrote this one accidentally without any intention to put it out but then i thought to myself this could be a cathartic therapy for anyone who is going through the same phase as the character in the poem.
“Beloved John” was a challenge because this one is someone else’s real life story narrated from my perspective so the most difficult challenge was to express suppressed emotions without offending anyone in particular as it is such a sensitive subject matter.
© Dijay Limbu 2023 All rights reserved
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