Why I don’t try.

I don’t try because I listen to my intuition too much.

Or maybe it’s not my intuition at all. Maybe it’s my fear.

But I don’t try because I talk myself out of something before it even happens.

I don’t try because I’ve tried before and it didn’t work.

I don’t try because hearing NO hurts like hell.

I don’t try because why bother?

I don’t try because I don’t have it perfect. Yet.

I don’t try because I’M not perfect yet.

I don’t try because I worry what people will think of me. That person. Him. Her. All of them.

I don’t try because someone is doing it better than me, somewhere, anywhere, already. Even though I had the idea and sat on it forever.

I don’t try because I have to do my laundry.

I don’t try because I should take a nap first.

I don’t try because I’ve already made enough of a fool of myself.

I don’t try because I haven’t accomplished enough yet.

I don’t try because I don’t have a PhD.

I don’t try because it’s Monday. No one reads email on Monday.

I don’t try because I get anxious and have a fear of abandonment or rejection. Or both.

I don’t try because my idea isn’t fleshed out enough.

I don’t try because I tried and it failed.

I don’t try because it won’t happen. It hasn’t happened yet.

I don’t try because I have to focus on something else right now.

I do try because none of these reasons or excuses are making my life feel the way I want it to feel and trying actually brings me closer to something, anything that feels like ALIVENESS and when I DO try, cool things sometimes happen amidst the shitty rejection that is likely but doesn’t happen all the time and I learn something about myself every time I put myself out there.

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I learn that I probably got the NO because it wasn’t meant for me.

I learn that I got the YES because it was something ideal and wonderful.

I learn that I am strong and brave and risked the scariest thing and came out the other side and lived to tell about it.

I learn that my life is my opportunity and if I don’t do it, no one can for me.

So, I try.