The agony and the agony

Never watch your own wedding video

dina lovinsky
Feb 3, 2014 · 1 min read

The other night we watched our wedding video. A video we paid people to make. A video ostensibly intended to be enjoyed by humans.

Here, as far as I can tell, is the thought process of the editor:

This thing’s gonna be like 14 minutes long, so let’s spend about 8 minutes on food. Nice. Yes. That slider is the real star here.

Let’s open the video with “Oh, Valencia.” It’s a song about love, but also about murder.

See how the photographer keeps asking them to kiss? And they lean awkwardly together, hoping she’ll stop soon? Capture every second.

SEPIA.

The wedding party? I don’t know. It’s her sister or something? Doesn’t matter.

ZOOM IN ON THAT CHEESE.

No, no. Nobody likes babies in suits.

That menu says Yura on top. He’s probably the groom. Perfect. Linger.

Cake. Cake. Cake.

Fin.

    dina lovinsky

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