Redefining Success: Should We Let Go of the Idea of ‘Having It All’?
In today’s fast-paced world, the idea of “having it all” has become a mantra for many high-achieving women. We’re told we can balance a high-powered career, maintain a thriving personal life, and somehow sustain the elusive concept of work-life balance, all without missing a beat. But is this relentless pursuit of ‘having it all’ leading to fulfillment, or is it actually setting us up for burnout, anxiety, and dissatisfaction?
As a transformational coach, I’ve worked with many professional women who carry the weight of these societal expectations on their shoulders. They juggle multiple roles — executive, mother, partner, friend — and yet they often find themselves falling short of the impossibly high standards society has set for them. They’re chasing a version of success that doesn’t feel like their own. And it’s draining them.
It brings to mind a powerful quote by author Brené Brown: *“We hustle for our worthiness by constantly performing, perfecting, pleasing, and proving.”* Many women today feel this pressure to prove themselves in every facet of life. But is it really worth it? Is having it all actually a sustainable path, or is it time to redefine what success really looks like?
The Myth of ‘Having It All’
The myth of “having it all” is a narrative that promises women they can be flawless in every area of life — career, family, personal well-being — all at the same time. Yet, this myth overlooks the human element of imperfection. The truth is, life ebbs and flows, and balance is not a static achievement but a dynamic process. Trying to do it all can be like juggling glass balls — inevitably, one is bound to drop, and the fear of breaking something important becomes overwhelming.
This brings me to a personal experience as a coach. I once worked with a high-powered attorney who was running on empty. She was a top performer at her firm, a loving mother, and deeply involved in her community. But her success came at a cost: she was exhausted, unfulfilled, and questioning whether she was even living her own life.
During one of our sessions, she confessed, “I’ve spent my whole life climbing this ladder of success, but now I’m not even sure it’s leaning against the right wall.”
That moment of clarity led us to redefine her idea of success — not as the sum of external achievements but as the alignment of her career, relationships, and well-being with her inner values. She realized that ‘having it all’ wasn’t about ticking off boxes on a societal checklist but creating a life that was deeply meaningful to her.
Redefining Success: What Really Matters?
Success is often measured by societal standards: the job title, the income, the picture-perfect family. But these are merely external markers. True success is more internal — it’s about feeling fulfilled, balanced, and joyful in your everyday life.
As writer and philosopher Joseph Campbell once said, “We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us.”
We need to let go of the rigid idea that success has to look a certain way, and instead, embrace a more flexible, personal definition. This might mean slowing down, prioritizing self-care, or even saying “no” to opportunities that don’t align with your values. It’s about creating a life that reflects what matters most to you, not what society tells you should matter.
The Pressure on Men: A Parallel Struggle
It’s not just women who are grappling with these unrealistic standards. Men also face their own version of the “having it all” narrative, though it often manifests differently. As one man on Quora pointed out, men have traditionally been expected to be the primary providers, excelling in their careers while also being present for their families. With shifting dynamics, many men are now feeling the same pressure to balance professional ambition with personal involvement at home. As women, it’s important for us to recognize and be aware of this shared struggle, acknowledging that the pressures of balancing career and family are not exclusive to one gender.
In my coaching practice, I’ve often seen the unique pressures that high-powered couples face. One particular client, a highly accomplished CTO at a prominent tech company, confided in me about the immense pressure both she and her husband, a successful executive, felt to “have it all” — the flourishing careers, the picture-perfect family, and the impeccable health routines. “It feels like we’re constantly performing, both at work and at home,” she admitted. Yet despite their impressive achievements, something always seemed to be missing.
Together, we worked to redefine her concept of success, not only for herself but within the context of her relationship as well. For her, it wasn’t about driving the company’s growth to the next big milestone or keeping up appearances; it was about reconnecting with her children, strengthening her relationship with her spouse, and carving out time for self-care and mutual growth. By shifting the focus from societal expectations to what truly mattered to them as a couple, they were able to create a life that felt more balanced and aligned with their shared values.
Crafting a New Narrative
So, how do we move forward? How do we step away from the idea that we need to “have it all” and instead craft a new narrative of success? The answer lies in taking a step back and asking ourselves the tough questions:
Am I pursuing a life that fulfills me, or am I chasing external validation? What do I truly value, and how can I align my life with those values?”
As a coach, I guide my clients through this process. I help them break through limiting beliefs, create clarity around their priorities, and design a life that reflects their authentic desires. It’s not about having it all; it’s about having what matters most.
In the end, success is not a one-size-fits-all concept. For some, it may mean climbing the corporate ladder, while for others, it could mean building deeper relationships or focusing on personal well-being. Success is what you make it. As the writer Maya Angelou so wisely said, “Success is liking yourself, liking what you do, and liking how you do it.”
Embrace Your Own Definition of Success
It’s time to let go of the unrealistic standards of “having it all” and start embracing a more authentic, sustainable version of success — one that honors your unique path, values, and needs. Success isn’t about perfection; it’s about alignment. It’s about creating a life that reflects what truly matters to you and finding fulfillment in the process.
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If you’re ready to stop chasing perfection and start thriving, Dina Miroshnyk Coaching offers the roadmap to achieving success on your own terms.
Visit:
www. dinamiroshnyk.com for more information on how you can get started.
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