5 things men get wrong on dating apps.
For the last few years, dating apps have been an everyday thing for me. Not only am I on them for myself, but I have to use them for my job as well.
Working for Dine, I wanted to share some things I constantly see men getting wrong on dating apps that are significantly hurting their chances in making more matches and essentially getting more dates.
By optimizing just a few little things, you have my word men, you will get MORE DATES.
1. Your main picture sucks.
Dating apps are almost 6 years old now so you would think this is common knowledge among Millennials now, but for some reason, I continue to see my users on Dine as well as other apps getting this completely wrong!
Bumble, the app that’s like Tinder but let’s women make the first move, attempted to tackle this issue by adding a profile picture verification feature which assures that a user’s whole face is actually included in the picture. Therefore, they don’t accept pictures covering your face, group photos or images that are cut off. If Bumble had to make a feature to counter this problem, it highlights just how big of an issue this has become on dating apps.
Why does having a crummy main picture hurt you?
People are busy. Trust me when I say this that women have options on dating apps. They come to them naturally in hoards of men. Inconveniently though, a staggering percentage of these users are low quality. Most women caught on to this and will weed out most men from one glimpse of a profile picture (lots of left swipes).
Therefore, why are they going to swipe right (or in Dine’s case, send you a Dine request) on your dog or some other image that doesn’t even show you? It comes off a bit tasteless and possibly even shady or creepy. As superficial as it sounds, you have to be competitive on dating apps if you want to get some matches going. That means having a bad ass main profile picture.
Having a high quality main picture that shows your entire face is everything for making a good first impression. I can’t stress how important this is because having a good photo will determine that split second decision of whether or not the girl is interested in checking you out. If you’re not going to put up a quality picture of yourself as your main picture, then nothing else is worth optimizing because this is step # 1 of the match to date conversion process and therefore you will be doomed from the start.
2. All of your pictures suck.
GREAT JOB! You did it. She tapped on your profile because she was drawn in from that beautiful main picture that shows off your natural handsome face and decent physique. Now it’s time to reel her in by backing your profile up with some other really good photos to make a good impression about yourself.
Personally, I’ve run MANY different experiments on dating apps where I would continuously swap out and a/b test my pictures with the hopes of increasing matches (Why? Because it’s my job). Most mainstream dating apps usually allow up to 5 pictures on to be uploaded on your profile. After a lot of reading and playing around I decided to put together a winning combination of pictures. As a result, my matches significantly increased when I uploaded these 5 pictures. Here are the winning 5 photos that have served me pretty good justice for some time now.
- Main profile picture (show your whole body and face).
A high resolution photo of yourself taken by a 3rd party that shows off your full body and face. What I found is that these types of photos come off very natural to the viewer and therefore make the best profile pictures. They also seem to give women a good enough information about your appearance, fashion, etc. in one single picture which caters to the fast moving experience they are going through on dating apps. Be sure to always, in any picture, avoid mirror selfies and other pictures that don’t properly show who you are. Mirror selfies can make you seem like a narcissist and pictures where your body and face are cut off are just asking for an immediate left swipe.
2. Adventurous picture (show your fun side).
You don’t have to be the kind of person who jumps out of planes, but the second photo should be a picture of you in action or doing something you love. This could be hiking, fishing, running a marathon bowling, etc., or just doing one of your hobbies.
Having a picture of you doing an activity or shows you off in your natural element. It tells women that you like to get out and live life. It sends the message that you do things, have hobbies. It also reflects that you have a passion and that you’re not the boring type who likes to just stay home. An unlimited amount of positive conclusions, envisions and fantasies can be drawn from this single picture.
3. Friends picture.
This next photo should be of you and your friends out and about. Could be at the bar, out to eat, fishing, etc. This picture shows women that you are that you are social, outgoing and have a network of friends. These are some major qualities most women find attractive in men. Display this on your profile and let people know who you are. It will only send a positive message about you.
4. Selfie picture.
Although I strongly recommend never using a selfie photo for your main profile picture, I highly recommend including one of these in your winning set. This photo is important because it’s a close up of your face and it shows the girl that you aren’t afraid to show who you are. It shows confidence and that your not being shady and hiding your identity. It’s pretty reassuring and lets women make the unbiased decision that you aren’t going to catfish her.
5. Soft side photo (*BONUS*).
Maybe you're holding your dog, cat or maybe a picture of you overlooking a mountain top. Having a photo that shows you connecting with the earth and your surroundings shows a light and compassionate side. You don’t have to be the cut out “nice boy” but on dating apps where there are safety concerns and women have to keep their guard up against bad people, it’s nice to show that you are human.
Keep all of your pictures natural. Even in my last picture, you can see that I’m out with my friends, smiling and just living life when someone snapped that. Keeping the photos you upload only natural pictures of yourself sends a good, positive, strong and honest message about who you are.
3. Your profile description and bio is vague, dull or just plain desperate.
Almost all dating apps these days, Tinder, Bumble, Happn, Coffee Meets Bagel and even my app Dine, to name a few, all require Facebook login for joining the community and making a profile. However, even when importing your Facebook profile details, many men (also women) commonly leave their profiles blank or with little to no information listed.
Why does this hurt you?
See men, as you just maxed out your daily FREE swipes for the day on tinder after swiping right on literally every person you saw with the hopes of yielding some hot matches, the women were carefully browsing the profiles of the men they found attractive or interesting.
Scoring a match is one positive step forward in the conversion process, but when it actually comes to women deciding whether or not they are going to meet first date, most will likely take other things into consideration other than just physical appearance.
Besides your appearance, important things to women are your occupation, education and age. All of these things can be easily conveyed by displaying it neatly on your dating app profile. Women want to make sure they can trust someone completely before meeting IRL so it’s only natural for women to run a simple evaluation of the male user they will potentially see for a date. Keeping your profile vague doesn’t say much or reveal much about you for an average right-minded person to trust meeting an online stranger.
Your bio is important too. For example, you may be an avid rock climber or hiker and then a beautiful girl who also happens to be a frequent hiker and climber comes to browse your profile. How is she supposed to know that you also love rock climbing if you didn’t mention that’s one of your biggest hobbies in your bio? Right there, you would have just blown your chance of making a meaningful and high quality match.
Add as much as you can to your dating app profile. Make sure to write as much about you as possible, even if that means maxing out the character limit in the description box. The more details the better. Really, it can only help you and taking literally 1–5 minutes to write something up will significantly increase your matches.
Other things that sweeten the deal for female users is compatibility so the more things you list will only help because the more your list the more opportunities you create to for making connections.
OK, you made it this far and now you got some matches going. This is usually where things get very confusing and annoying for us men. When is the time to ask the girl out? Immediately? After hours of talking? Days? Weeks? It’s confusing and almost always seems a bit awkward.
After speaking to many of my users on Dine, I realized a big issue for male users is determining when the best time to ask the girl out on a first date. Luckily, for Dine users, when a match is made, the first date and location is already made and having that restaurant/bar/cafe/location agreed on when a match is made goes a very long way. However, that’s not the case on most apps, so when is the right time to set up that first date? Good question.
PRO MESSAGE TIP.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT, initiate the first conversation with a simple “Hey, what’s up?”. Have you ever seen a girls tinder inbox? It’s lined with that opener and 100 more boring variations.
When you open that conversation up, try to personalize your message. For example, if the user’s profile says something like “I love Thai food”, a clever opener could be something like, “Hey, nice to meet you! I actually know a Thai place on the lower east side that supposedly makes the best pad thai ever. You wanna try it together this weekend?
Now why is this a good example? First of all, you are putting a personal touch in your message by mentioning something that the user stated on her profile. Therefore, it reflects that you took the time to read a bit about her. Secondly, you stated a specific thing (pad thai) about the particular subject which shows that you know about Thai food too. This reflects a level of compatibility. Thirdly, you stated a day to meet so your essentially cutting through the bullshit small talk.
This is good because it gets straight to the point and shows your serious and also suggesting to meet in a safe, public place. If she is serious about meeting you, she will consider and answer. Also, restaurants make great places for conversation. Don’t be that jerk who asks a girl to come over for Netflix and chill on a first date. Honestly, men like that are pretty low and really giving a bad name for the rest of the dating app community. Set an example.
5. Don’t be hostile.
If you finally got to the messaging and notice that most of your matches aren’t replying to your messages, don’t be that guy who fires back cursing at women or saying nasty disgusting things. Honestly, it’s immature, rude and you will probably end up being the laughing stock in some deep corner of the web like where I found this image.
You don’t know why she didn’t reply so don’t assume the worse. It’s normal and part of online dating. The main reason she probably didn’t reply is simply because there were others who got to her first and she just had other options she found better.
Don’t get mad at her, but rather you should question the dating app you’re using or what you can be doing better. You will find that no replies are a common thing, especially with apps like Tinder or Bumble or any other hot or not app. If that’s happening to you, it’s probably time to consider using a different dating app or start optimizing some things like the above to help increase your matches. Find a dating app and setup that works for you.
(Posted by Michael Tudda)
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