How not to completely lose your shit right now.
You wouldn’t think to read it that I am, indeed, the biggest asshole you’ll meet today. Hell, I wouldn’t think it, but here I am, laptop on top of lap whilst I sit on the toilet reminiscing about the shittiest week ever.
Doors were slammed. There were vitriolic under breath mumblings. All the tech devices in the house are in the bathroom with me because THIS is the only room in the goddamned house with a lock on the door.
I’m trying really hard not to lose my shit. Real hard.
If it weren’t for the incessant bickering and badgering of the kids to focus on, well, I’d be become a twitching puddle of epistemological anguish (and for the fact that I spelled epistemological right on the first try).
Our lives are now filled with a ticker tape of #brexit, #trump, #orlando, #thatthingyoudidn’tknowwashappeninguntilithappened, #cancer — the list and constant feed of complex and disturbing knowledge of all the shit that happened AFTER Mercury Retrograde has my eyeballs bleeding, my heart aching, my idealistic sense of hope turned to disaffected impotence.
Plus, I got a bunch of laundry to do.
If you happen to be stuck within the feed of terror as I am, you keep thinking about how you should probably start a garden and go off the grid come the day of the rope which, apparently, if everything continues on this weird twisty slope, is nigh.
Okay, maybe not. Maybe we’re all overreacting. But it’s awful hard to barbecue amongst friends and drink beer while keeping the knowledge that the stock market is careening into something awful I don’t really know about but probably should.
Shit’s hard right now, y’all. We’ve got to keep it together. Mostly because keeping it together, and the fact that you‘ve got places to be on Monday, is really all you have going for yourself.
SO let’s get our shit together, shall we? Here’s a list of things to help you get your shit together that I am pulling out of the ether as I write:
- Take a nap.
- Eat something.
These first two make up the majority of the problems of the world. When people get cranky and make poor decisions, it’s usually because of some primal need, because deep down inside we are all toddlers with wallets.
3. Turn off your damn wifi. Just for an hour. Maybe the hour after your pb&j and your nap. Can’t sleep? Stare at a wall. Trust me, this is a game changer. Staring off into the near distance with absolutely no visual agenda is a glorious thing. Space. The. Fuck. Out.
4. Think of all the good stuff you want to do with yourself. Someone out there called it “heARTwork.” Feed that little beast of a focusnut in your head with some reading or arting or picking lint from your bellybutton. Whatever gives you that sense of joy over anything else.
5. Think of all the things you have and be fucking grateful for them. If you live with a kid or a partner or a roommate or a fur baby — if it’s in your general area and it’s something you talk to in that cute way you’d be embarrassed if anyone else found out about — give it an effing hug.
6. DO something nice for a rando. Accidental goodness can happen at pretty much every second of you day. Open your eyes to it. Act on it. Feel good about changing someone’s day. It might make you feel a little less impotent.
7. Learn something from something other than the internet. If it really, really bothers you not to google something, name your smartest friend Google and ask them questions. Learn something from someone. Read a book. Learn something new. Learn something refreshing.
That’s my list. These are the things that make me feel better about the fact that it’s real o’clock right now.
Keep your shit together. You got this. We got this. We’ll be okay.
