3 reasons why Girls are bad for you
Don’t get me wrong, girls are amazing. I love girls; all the ones in my life, which is weird because the only girls in my life right now are my nieces. So yeah, I guess that’s a moot point.
Two decades of sucking in oxygen and I managed to learn a few things about life.
1) Once you get a job, you realize school is mostly useless.
2) Blowjobs aren’t for everybody. Don’t let peer pressure make you die from the tickles.
3) The Nigerian dream is to escape from Nigeria, and then start complaining to your friends and family about the country you escaped to so they think you are both suffering the same suffer.
4) AND, Girls could either be the best thing, or the worst thing in your life.
And I don’t just mean in relationships, I mean like in everyday life; like in both Girl on Girl situations and girl on boy situations.
That’s not saying that boys are any better, but phew –
If I started on boys right now, by the time I finish, Skales would have probably won his first grammy…
SO now the obvious question you’d want to ask is
“Hey, Dipo. How dare you say girls are bad, girls are awesome! I wuv girls. Xoxo hugs and kisses to all the girls in the world. Fuck Dipo…”
And to that, I say “Calm down.”
As I said before girls are great. I love girls. I love them when they work, they way they talk, the way they look, and especially when they dress up nice and talk real well. But I think I also like them when they don’t dress up too so I don’t know where I was going with that… :/
But as I said, despite all these; Girls are also functionally bad bad bad for you. For various simple reasons; a few of which I’d address here.
1) Chivalry, and its lack thereof.
YES, CHIVALRY. Pronounced ‘shivahlry’ not “kailvalry’ like its 1876 and you’re calling up a bunch of armed horsemen.
This might sound a bit weird when it’s attributed to women, but its 2017 and I feel we are all evolved creatures aren’t we?
(Jk, we are still Neanderthals. My mistake)
But yeah, the truth is, I feel respect should go both ways in any relationship, and no less between a girl and a girl, or a girl and a boy. Girls literally are groomed with the idea that they can get away with all manner of trash behavior but boys are duty bound to be gentlemen at all times (lol even though a lot of us are actually apes in Tshirt and Knicker)
Truth is, in 2017, a girls idea of being a ‘Lady’ is dressing up in long flowing bodycon gowns, heels that are like walking sticks, and saying ‘tenks, I’m full(I’m a fool)’ halfway through a 3,500 Naira dinner.
And that’s the big problem, most girls are plain outright rude, and society enables this behavior by tagging it under the umbrella of ‘petty’.
Truth be told, being nice is actually a great thing 100% of the time. You see, people confuse being agreeable to being nice, which isn’t actually true. You can still tell people no, while not coming off as a complete asshole. (Yes it’s hard because you are a terrible person at heart; we know, but just like anal, with practice you kinda get better at it.)
So what we end up with is this horrible person who we have agreed to allow into our lives, then ends up being this insane emotional sinkhole that does nothing but make you miserable and dysfunctional for the rest of your life. Unless you are already miserable and dysfunctional then in that case you have probably hit the jackpot and found the love of your life.
When a boy is 6–8 years old the only person that would bother with him once he starts crying is his mother. And even that one is so-so. At a certain point, nobody cares about the needs of a boy and as far as the typical Nigerian parent is concerned once you pay a boys school fees and send him to barbing saloon two times a month, he can cry about getting a new PS4 from morning till night, nobody gives a shit. The only cry for help a Nigerian parent responds to is when a boy comes home with a boyfriend, and the response can be one of three things.
1) Mr Koboko.
2) Apostle who must hear of this
3) The koboko after which they call the Apostle who must hear of this.
SO yeah, tough break.
But girls THRIVE on attention. And daddies are hard WIRED to give out that shit in boatloads. No matter how distant he might seem, he CARES for his baby girls. Heck, if I had girls id give them whatever the fuck they want.
SO typically it’s like a drug which they thrive on.
And that shit drives boys crazy. But not in the way that you think though.
See, if a guy is actually balls deep in love with a girl, to be very honest; he would have no problem giving the lucky girl all the time in his life. UNTIL THE DAY HE DIES. No jokes. So that’s not what I’m talking about. Giving a girl you like attention isn’t hard. It’s actually freaking easy, and guys love that shit. BUT.
The Kind that drives us crazy is when OTHER boys ALWAYS give their girl attention.
And that’s the second reason why girls are bad for you.
I know, it’s not the girls fault, etc. But the truth is, Girls enjoy that shit. And even if they may outwardly try to blow it off for the sake of their man, inwardly they will start TO FEEL WEIRD once it STOPS. This is why sometimes the worst ones even go out to find the cheapest kind of attention they can find, usually on social media. And to be honest, attention isn’t THAT bad, I mean I’m planning on becoming a youtuber, and that’s literally the textbook definition of attention whoring.
You see, we know other guys are interested in the girls we like, of course they are they aren’t blind. But the truth is we don’t WANT TO KNOW that they actually ARE. And I think this goes both ways. If a guy genuinely doesn’t care if other guys are into his girl, then he probably isn’t really crazy about her like that.
And that’s where the problem is. Girls cant help it, guys will always want to be friends with them; at church, in the gym, at school, on the plane, even when a boy finds himself sharing an Okada with your girl.
“Sister, your hair is entering my eye, but I can see your smile is like the smile of an angel from Heavun”
So yeah, you can’t escape it. Guys will ALWAYS give your girl attention, and sometimes some girls get overwhelmed and cheat the first sign they see your relationship starts getting rocky, while some hold steadfast. Anything can happen. But that’s a thing, and the thing is a problem, and it is a thing.
You see, there’s a tweet I saw a while back, I can’t remember how exactly it went, but to paraphrase it went thus:
“if you are dating a pretty lady, and you aren’t putting in a 110%, You are probably single and you don’t know it”
And that’s the truth, even if you true to God love her to heaven and back, but you don’t go OUT OF YOUR WAY to show it, you are probably single bruh, and you have nobody to tell you.
And man, tell me if all of that stress is not a one way ticket to an early grave.
And people are asking why Nigerian men have an average life span of 50 years…
3) Emotional BLUEBALLS.
THIS ONE. THIS ONE!!!!!!!
This one is the most irritating one, but I’m going to keep it short because this post is getting too long, But yeah.
Now blueballs is the situation where you get somebodys sexual hopes so high and then leave them hanging halfway through with no alternative exit than a one way ticket into a jar of Vaseline and two rolls of toilet paper; one of which is mostly for the tears.
However girls have this habit of leading guys on so bad, knowing FULLY WELL what the guy intends, but then dropping them off so hard and fast once things start escalating. Usually guys just shrug this off, but it can get extremely debilitating if the guy was actually falling in love with the girl.
Sometimes it could get as far in as almost a full on relationship, and sometimes the blueballs can be as quick as a sneeze. The quick ones are usually the worst because it’s just plain outright failure on the guys part.
In fact, most guys are well aware of the quick one and many of you will recognize it once I describe it. Don’t worry, you can allow yourself cry as you’re reading. Nobody is watching you ;).
This is how the quick one usually goes.
It could be a tweet, or a snapchat post or an IG post. But girls have this terrible habit of coming online to COMPLAIN ABOUT BEING SINGLE!!!
They come online and say something like “Everyone is with their bae, when will God give me mine” OR “When will this single life end?”
After which guys ALWAYS flood into their DMs with
Or the more creative ones will want to stand out with
“Hey angel ;)”
After which the girls will proceed to either insult them, ask them to leave their DMs, or just Ignore them!
You literally just complained about a lack of guys twenty seconds ago you twit.
And some guys can’t take much of this. Some of them get traumatized and start doing crazy things like supporting clubs like arsenal or *gasp* Manchester city. Some of them just go into their shells and become pokemon fans (like me).
However a few of us boys are actually mad resilient, and no matter how many times they get knocked down, they keep getting back up, stronger, and faster. Kudos to those guys, because these are the guys getting laid on twitter while the rest of us are at home catching up on Jessie jane and Madelyn marie videos.
There are many reasons why girls are generally bad for you, and I couldn’t cover all here. But you’d agree with me that all the complication and wahala they bring to the table usually does a lot more harm than good. But don’t get me wrong, sometimes they get really awesome too! Especially if you’re a musician or a popular politicians son. :/.
But yeah, I hope you enjoyed this, if you have anything to add or you disagree, leave a comment below or @ me on twitter at @dipospeaks.
Follow me on twitter. Why? Because I need more friends dammit.