With my head still buzzing the Doctor’s words — ‘Don’t move your arm — the more you move, longer it will take to heal, movement will lead to pain, let’s see what your scans say — then we shall see’
I got into my car. The ‘me’ started figuring out ways in which ‘me’ will be able to drive the car with one hand — one ‘me’ is starting the car, heyyyy the car is an ‘automatic’… a sigh of relief — not bad, thank God for small mercies… the other ‘me’ is fading out my conversation with the Doctor and automatically, a ‘me’ is navigating through appropriate intersection and taking me to my office. The phone rang… I reached out for it, suddenly, i noticed another ‘me’ cautiously looking out for a traffic cop, and yet another ‘me’ who sneakily added a task on my mental notes… and all this while ‘me’ who is talking into the phone and a ‘me’ reading in between the lines of the implication of the conversation… Bingo!! — i was on a ‘multi tasking’ auto-mode.
All of us are on auto-mode during routine activities- at home, cooking, cleaning, getting ready and even driving is usually on auto-mode but today, i have an injured arm so my driving is a bit alert and a bit painful — but the other ‘me’s are on auto-mode… and therefor a deep dive into the number of me’s and there automode avataars.
How many many many ‘me’s and each ‘me’ having its own egos and dreams?!!! How does one assimilate all the ‘me’s to even look at THE one goal as the common goal — don’t all of us have that many ‘me’s to deal with and those many times don’t we find that one ‘me’ is as difficult to please as the other ‘me’?! And we do find ourselves saying that there is a part of ‘me’ that is refusing to listen to the rational ‘me’ — not able to buy what the other me is selling — a ‘me’ that says — want to be with my parents when they grow old, an automode ‘me’ scolding ‘me’ for forgetting something critical — a ‘me’ that says, want to be a hands-on Dad — can any ‘me’ get anywhere just by being on automode ??, a ‘me’ that says, want to find time to chill out with friends — an auto-mode ‘me’ pressing the like button and sending emoticons on social media — a ‘me’ that says want to move out of micromanagement — a ‘me’ that sees a loop hole in the process flow and feels helpless, a ‘me’ that is struggling to delegate — and a ‘me’ that ignores the need to take action to apologize, a ‘me’ that sidetracks an opportunity to be assertive… So many ‘me’s and each ‘me’ driving the other ‘me’ — there are me’s that i don’t like so much and there are ‘me’s that i find so stupid and there are some ‘me’s which don’t listen to ‘me’ — i told my ‘me’ to keep calm but — off the handle the automode ‘me’ flew — i looked into the mirror, fixed the ‘me’ with a touch of office war-paint — and paused… erased the frown, replaced it with the smile- paused and frowned again -which ‘me’ do i like ? …Who is the real ‘me’ — how do i search the real ‘me’ …?! — reached office . . . an auto mode ‘me’ flashing the smile, the morning greetings — and going through the motions of office . . . And now, umm… where is THE me!!? Sorry ? What !!! ya on automode!!
