A midnight conversation

Wanttobenobody
Sep 4, 2018 · 4 min read

Me: “I should rest in peace. My world is seeming too suffocating for me. All these responsibilities and inability to find a way of my life is too stressful.”.

Me after death: “I don’t think resting in peace is not a good option. You will miss all the possibilities of any beautiful future. And you may not know that dying is a very hard task to pull off. Trust me on this.”

Me: “I don’t care. The dream of any beautiful future is too painful from here. When I was much younger, I at-least knew what I wanted with my life. My life was much simpler back then. I was determined to go abroad to complete my study. Then find a job which will have decent pay. After that, I will travel the whole world. But with the passage of time now it feels like that I really know nothing and that feeling is not very good.”

Me after death: “I know you too well my friend. Tell me something. Are you really wanted all these?”

Me: “I fucking don’t know man. I already told you, in the old days, I had less thought and my life was simple and straight as an arrow. But now I don’t even know whats going on. I still have this dream to explore. But if you ask me whether I want to go for higher study, I don’t know man. Now I even not sure whether I really wanted to study CS at-all and I am a software engineer. Sometimes it feels like I should be a writer and try to write as many fictional stories as possible. I wish people would read my stories and find solace in their suffering. Again I am daydreaming. How would you know about my sufferings? You have no responsibilities. You can go fucking anywhere as you like. You have no attachments.”

Me after death: “Oh man. you are so naive. My life as a ghost is not so simple. First few days were really hard man. Seeing all my favorite faces cry for me was very hard to take on. My mother, I mean your mother had cried a lot. She never thought that she would have to see such an incident. Our father actually is the bravest man I have ever seen. Yes. He also cried. But he had to try to comfort your whole family. A father never wants to see the death of his son. But the main sadness is that they don’t even know the reason for my death. How I was suffering for a long time? They knew everything is working fine. And the next moment this horrific news came to them. They had absolutely no chance what-so-ever to take on this bad news.”

Me: “Yes. You might be right. After all, they have raised me. Tell me about my brother and sister. How did they take it?”

Me after death: “Are you fucking moron? They took it very badly, man. They cried a lot. They really missed your shitty jokes and shitty sense of humor. Even though you never really had many friends, but the few that had been your friends, they were also sad. But don’t expect anything fancy. There was no one special who cried her heart out on your death. Keep your overthinking to yourself.”

Me: “Damn man. That’s really depressing. I had such high expectation. You have ruined everything for me. So are there anything I can look forward after death?”

Me after death: “Come to think of it, it's not that bad. You will get a lot of time to think about a lot of things. Since you always overthink, your time here will not be so bad. The fun part is that I can go anywhere. So I have made up a game. When I am walking or floating on a street I try to target a person. After the target being set, I follow him to his house. Meet his family, I mean stalk. I try to see his life as closely as possible. And trust me, as a ghost, it's the most beautiful experience. I can see all the small happy moments of his life, like his happy face after getting his first job, his marriage, born of his first child. But yes sometimes he has rough moments. But isn’t it life? You don’t know the answer every time. Maybe you are doing something completely wrong. Maybe you are wasting a lot of time finding something that you may never get. But it does not mean that you should stop searching for an answer. You will not be satisfied if the answer is not earned without any hardship.”

Me: “Now as I think of it, it's not that bad actually to wander to find the answer. Actually, that makes my journey more memorable and more unique. I will start to pile up a lump of failure to find my way of life. And then show the whole world that how fucking big my lump of failure is.”

Me after death: “That’s the attitude.”

Me: “Thanks, man. Talking to you was really helpful.”

Me after death: “No problem, man. Any time you want any advice just give a call.”

Me: “Sure thing. Okay. I should go now. See you soon. Bye”

Me after death: “Of-course we will meet again. Bye”