I had a small cake to spend on my birthday last May. I don’t quite remember, when I last had a birthday cake before I grew up. When I was still in Kindergarten, I celebrated my birthday with friends and teachers there. I wore a dress that looked like Princess Aurora's and even put a crown on my head. Some friends gave me gifts and we all sang ‘Happy Birthday’ together. I was so happy. At the moment, I felt like I was the center of the world.
But as I grew up, I started feeling like I didn’t want my birthdays to come too quickly. I’ve become afraid of time. It moves so fast, and I have so many regrets about missed opportunities. There’s always that thought: “Why didn’t I just try?”
My mom also has stopped buying me a birthday cake. I don’t know why exactly, but it’s enough to make me not have the same view of birthdays anymore.
And yet, if I’m being honest, I miss the birthday celebrations a little. I miss wearing pretty dresses, blowing out candles, and singing with others. I miss the moment when I wasn’t afraid of getting older and even forgot that time was moving.
So last May, I bought a cake and some new clothes to celebrate my longing for birthdays. Even if it’s just me celebrating, at least I get to enjoy the cake.
Bandung, 9 September 2024.
