I’ve just finished to read Dale Carnegie’s most popular book, one of the most important self-improvement books on how to effectively deal with people — in business, at home, with friends, anywhere.
It’s a book about personal and professional development. It’s about becoming a better person. So if you want to become a better person — if you think there is room for improvement within yourself. Then this book would be the right choice.
Dale Carnegie explains how to positively influence people. Positively! It’s not about taking advantage of people. And he does it by telling useful stories that teach important principles: from the fundamental techniques in handling people to the best ways to make people like you; from how to win people to your way of thinking to how to change people without offense or arousing resentment.
The book is full of practical tips you can apply immediately.
The key takeaway for me — and where I really want to improve — is to try honestly to see things from the other person’s point of view. As Dale Carnegie puts it, “one of the fundamental keys to successful human relations is understanding that other people may be totally wrong, but they don’t think so.”
Success in dealing with people relies on being able to have a clear understanding of the other person’s viewpoint.
The entire book is based on a few highlighted points and each point associate with a lot of concise and real-life example and here I am gonna share what I have understood from this book and my personal thought about it.
Eight things this book will help you achieve :
0. Get out of a mental rut, think new thoughts, acquire new visions, discover new ambitions.
If you want to increase the success that you have ,whatever area in your life you have to change the way you think. Your current way of thinking has brought you to this point and while you might be happy or maybe you are not happy where you are right now, It is really largely dependent on your way of thinking. So when you come across material/book like this that changes the way you think specifically changes the way you think when it comes to dealing with people then you are going to find it to be really beneficial the way of thinking will change your actions and your behaviors which will change your results and because, I have been involved with lots of clubs and open source community and group for two year. I have dedicated a large part of my time to developing communication, persuasion and connection skills not only one to one but also a group of people my thinking has changed dramatically throughout the years. How I see reality, how I see communicating people is considerably different than when I started on this journey and it continues to evolve it continues to change as I not only re-read some of these books that I have once read back in the days ,but build upon by taking a lot of notes and analyzing not just how people respond but how I respond what people say or do and I make this lifelong study and thus my way of thinking gets changed and evolved over and over again and that’s what this book helps with .
1. Make friends quickly and easily and Increase your popularity.
We often want to make friends for many different reasons just for social reasons, sometimes dating and relationships. It’s not just making lots of friends it’s building meaningful connections with people, a connection in the way we offer a lot of value to them and that reciprocates that value to you and you are able to move forward towards a positive win-win objective. This will also increase our popularity again not in a superficial way but in a way that speaks and connects to the group of people that we are interested in connecting with and offering value. We don’t have to have a lot of friends we want to have friends have different perspective different insights different ways of looking at things, So they can expand our way of thinking but we also want to have friends that will further our objectives our very clear-cut objectives and that we can also contribute to them.
2. Win people to your way of thinking and Increase your influence, your prestige, your ability to get things done.
This is not talking about manipulating and forcing to see things your way and adapt your ideologies rather exploring what other people are doing in their way of thinking and then sharing your ways of thinking in a way that impactful to the point they consider your way of thinking and then even ask you how to implement your way of thinking because they find that it’ll be beneficial for them. Next, it increases your prestige and your ability to get things done pretty much like all the results that you are going to have in your life is going to become there’s going to be a net result of working with other people but in order to work successfully with other people. You have to connect with them you have to be able to build a relationship with them and you have to make sure that they are genuinely and authentically motivated to further your grand strategy because they realize by doing so, they will further their own grand strategy.
3. Handle complaints, avoid arguments, keep your human contacts smooth and pleasant.
When we’re interacting with people we want to be pleasant, we want to be smooth and sometimes you can be polarizing but we definitely don’t want to steer up unnecessary resistance and anger in people because that could be draining for both parties.
4. Become a better speaker, a more entertaining conversationalist.
To become more interesting you have to go through a process where you study this material ,you implement it, you learn how people respond to different things, you learn the different ways of thinking and how to accept people for who they are and all these things there are many more aspects to it makes you a better clearer more concise and calibrated communicator, know how to chunk up and chunk down to different levels of granularity and higher levels of abstraction based on who you are connecting with i.e Not everybody needs the message delivered the same way some deserve it not deserve it but need to get the message in a more step-by-step manner some people need to just have a story presented to them, so they could piece it all together. Everybody communicate differently and they are all at different levels but as you go through this journey you learn how to communicate to a wider array of people .
5. Arouse enthusiasm among your associates
Part of communication is actually a large part of communication is how you present the information and the place its’s coming from not so, much what you say but how you say the vibe, the energy, and the tonality all the different aspect that make those words that you’re saying more impactful to the other person.
Now let's talk about the four parts of this book :
Part one: Fundamental techniques in handling people :
PRINCIPLE 1 — Don’t criticize, condemn or complain. Assume the higher level. Show them that you have been there before
PRINCIPLE 2 — Give honest and sincere appreciation.
PRINCIPLE 3 — Arouse in the other person an eager want.
Part two: Ways to make people like you
PRINCIPLE 1— Become genuinely interested in other people.
PRINCIPLE 2 — Smile. 😍
PRINCIPLE 3 — Remember that a person’s name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language.
PRINCIPLE 4 — Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves.
PRINCIPLE 5 — Talk in terms of the other person’s interests.
PRINCIPLE 6 — Make the other person feel important-and do it sincerely.
Part three: How to Win People to Your Way of Thinking
PRINCIPLE 1 — The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it.
PRINCIPLE 2 — Show respect for the other person’s opinions. Never say, “You’re wrong.”
PRINCIPLE 3 — If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically.
PRINCIPLE 4 — Begin in a friendly way.
PRINCIPLE 5 — Get the other person saying “yes, yes” immediately.
PRINCIPLE 6 — Let the other person do a great deal of the talking.
PRINCIPLE 7 — Let the other person feel that the idea is his or hers.
PRINCIPLE 8 — Try honestly to see things from the other person’s point of view.
PRINCIPLE 9 — Be sympathetic with the other person’s ideas and desires.
PRINCIPLE 10 — Appeal to the nobler motives.
PRINCIPLE 11 — Dramatize your ideas.
PRINCIPLE 12 — Throw down a challenge
Part four: How to Change People Without Giving Offense
PRINCIPLE 1 — Begin with praise and honest appreciation.
PRINCIPLE 2 — Call attention to people’s mistakes indirectly.
PRINCIPLE 3 — Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the other person.
PRINCIPLE 4 — Ask questions instead of giving direct orders.
PRINCIPLE 5 — Let the other person save face.
PRINCIPLE 6 — Praise the slightest improvement and praise every improvement. Be “hearty in your approbation and lavish in your praise.”
PRINCIPLE 7 — Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to.
PRINCIPLE 8 — Use encouragement. Make the fault seem easy to correct.
PRINCIPLE 9 — Make the other person happy about doing the thing you suggest.
Some of my favorite quotes from this book
“It isn’t what you have or who you are or where you are or what you are doing that makes you happy or unhappy. It is what you think about it.”
“Everybody in the world is seeking happiness — and there is one sure way to find it. That is by controlling your thoughts. Happiness doesn’t depend on outward conditions. It depends on inner conditions.”
“To be interesting, be interested.”
“Talk to someone about themselves and they’ll listen for hours.”
“There is only one way under high heaven to get the best of an argument — and that is to avoid it.”
“You can’t win an argument. You can’t because if you lose it, you lose it; and if you win it, you lose it.”
“Remember that a person’s name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language.”