The things I think when people don’t text me back

I am a Type A person with anxiety.

Side truth : I included this statement so that I could sound smart and busy. Also, it totally validates the crappy behavior that I am going to rant about in this post.

So coming back to my Type A personality with anxiety, I literally need things to be done at my pace (Which is either the speed of light or faster). God forbid, if you fall a little short I will probably burst into a million tiny little pieces screaming at you.

I do have flaws when it comes to communicating (I am only human, despite whatever else you may think). I am a superfast texter and extremely lame caller. My cellphone is basically used for below things :

  1. Cute pictures of babies — both animal and human.
  2. Texting
  3. Ignoring calls and #2 together.

So, my major form of communication (as you all have correctly guessed) is texting. While the benefits of texting are many, I have learned that not many people are as receptive to this form of communication as I am. This has been the reason of many attacks due to anxiety and other outbursts.

Considering not everyone is a Type A person with anxiety, (and also in view of public sanity) I have posted an uncut version of what goes on in my tiny Type A brain when I don’t receive a reply within minutes of me texting.

  1. I assume the worst. By worst, I mean jumped-off-the-nearest-cliff-in-a-car-after-being-attacked-by-bandits scenario. Nothing less will do. God forbid, if I see that you’ve read my message! Then I move on to stage 2.
  2. My brain plays the “They are ignoring you because they finally figured you’re an asshole” track on loop. May also be accompanied by “Good luck getting them to talk to you ever again”. Still no reply? Good, we then move on to phase 3.
  3. I imagine ways of how to get away with murder. Literally. Scientists invented all of these wonderful technologies so that people could stay in touch and you literally have trouble getting back? Not done bro, not done! My brain conjures up all these weird vengeful things I can say to you while I torture you the Chinese way(I watch too many movies, I know!).
  4. I begin to hate you a little for wasting my time and swear to NEVER text you again.
  5. Two minutes later, the wait for a reply seems agonizing and as a result my conversation window starts looking like this :
Me : Hey, what’s up … 5:10 P.M.
Me : I am sorry to disturb your oh-so- busy life, you prick! Could you please atleast reply to my message because I could have been dying and you could have been the last person I spoke to? But no, you’re an insufferable git who doesn’t even have the decency to reply back! … 6.10 P.M.

6. I realize I seem a little stupid probably and vow to have a little more chill while texting people, because of course they “could” be busy.

7. Googles “How to have more chill”

8. Also, googles “How much time to wait for a reply when you text someone”

9. See a message notification pop up. Check it and realize it’s some telemarketer’s message for a hair loss cure. By now, I’m furious that even telemarketers have the time to message me and you don’t!

10. Loop to #1 again.

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