What I learned from “not” sleeping around in NYC
Okay, before you start judging me, hear me out. According to statistics, the average person has around 7 partners and that is just the average. Some people find it very casual to sleep around while some just don’t have time for it.
Me? Well, I just have better things to do. Reading, writing, running, working, sleeping, analyzing the stock market, working on personal projects, etc. I’ve stopped picking up calls from people who want to invite me to bars/clubs/dinners. Once in a year is fine but if this behavior is persistent, it kinda throws shade that these people have nothing better to do.
I’m not gonna lie, even I thought that this was cool when I was 20. Now? Not so much. Dating is hard, finding a partner who is perfectly compatible with you is harder. But I’ve learned that nothing is perfect, there will always be a struggle, there will always be someone better, there will always be people telling you to “never settle”.
I didn’t mind being someone’s wingman once in a while if the guy really liked the girl but when I see this behavior not changing, I’m going to judge the person and say that this idiot just wants to get laid.
This person has no emotional intelligence.
This person has no emotional maturity.
This person has no understanding of intimacy.
This person is just really sad. He needs someone to sleep around but does not want to put the effort to know someone on an emotional level. I feel sad for such people.
It’s hard to answer when people ask me “Hey man, what are your plans for the weekend?”
And I start contemplating what to answer….
I don’t hit the bars, clubs, pubs, etc. I hit the library once in a while though. But hey! That’s not fun at all! Said who? People are judgemental pricks. So am I, I judge people all the time. Everyone judges everyone all the time. But I never let it get to my head.
As a guy born in 90’s, I always envisioned there is always a happy ending in the end and if it is not happy, it is not the end.
I remember a colleague asking me “Hey, you are a single guy in NYC, you will be fine, I have a nice sister you know, wanna meet her at an event I’m hosting.” (Now I assumed her sister needed help with some project but when I went home, it hit me what she was referring to set me up).
Being single is a choice. Not hitting the sacks is also a choice. And waiting for someone who you might really hit it with is like hitting a home run.
So to all the guy’s trying to converse and discuss about all the women they “scored” in the week during their boy's club meeting, let me remind you, a woman gave birth to you. And maybe, some guy on the other end of the bar might be speaking the same about your own sister.
Now, I have loads of time on my hand. I don’t have to worry about social norms. I don’t have to please anyone. I have time for hobbies. Long story short, I have a shitload of time for myself and to work on things that I love. And most importantly, I am no longer under the pressure of impressing anyone or showing up at places that I have no interest in going. I also think that I had a hard time declining someone and then feeling bad. Introverts have a hard to convey what they feel or think so I’m gonna blame my personality trait for this one.
I never really understood how people can have sex and get about their lives the next day like nothing really happened. Sleeping around is also a choice. Who am I to judge. I guess this is the new norm.

So the next time someone asks me “Hey, do you wanna join us for……”

