Talking to others about difference in a divided world
A guide for conversations and sparking change
A common refrain I have seen in regard to the question “What can I do?” is to work within our own families, friends, and communities to challenge racism, bias and hate. This is essential work, and it requires productive discussion, instead of arguments taking place within various digital echo chambers.
This work is also daunting. There are emotional complexities at play on both sides: fear, anger, blame, resentment. And these feelings become more entrenched as conflicts escalate.
In 2016, researchers showed success in changing prejudiced attitudes against transgender and gender-variant individuals by using methods to reframe mindsets and model empathy. The same approach can be used in difficult conversations about race and privilege.
1. Have face-to-face conversations. To best encourage empathy, allow others to see and relate to you as another human being, not a comment thread floating in the ether.
2. Ask open questions that require a thoughtful response. Part of adopting new ideas is putting the brain in a place to do cognitive work. This does not mean “leading the witness” or asking combative questions to make points. Instead, ask about experiences or feelings and “what are the reasons you [think/feel] that way?”
3. Ask others about a time they felt judged or unfairly treated. This is about changing mindset. When we are confronted with a story of violence between two parties, our held opinions guide which side we relate to. By asking the brain to re-experience feelings of diminished power and personal agency, we encourage empathy with an oppressed or victimized individual, outside of binary oppositional relationships (black/white, male/female, etc.).
4. Listen and relate when possible. You are a conduit to acceptance of the cause you advocate. Allow others to see what they may have in common with you, and those who share your viewpoint.
5. Share your ideas thoughtfully, with personal experiences. Avoid exaggeration and popular rhetoric.
Remember that this is a process and prejudice won’t be solved with a single conversation.
Keep in mind— new ways of thinking are uncomfortable. New awareness is threatening. Growing empathy requires disrupting fear-based thoughts and behaviors, replacing them, and practicing new ways of thinking about others over time.
So keep the conversation going.
For more resources and context:
Originally published July 7th, 2017
