I Don’t F#@% With You: Isolation Bias vs Doing You
A lot of the posts I’ve been seeing on my timeline this past week have been along the lines of “Brand New Year, Same Old Me”. No offense to the folks that still feel loyal to the principles, people and problems of 2014, but I don’t …feel the same.
I recently heard the song “I Don’t F#@% With You” by Big Sean and didn’t know what to think of it. Last year, Sean had a pretty bad break up and this song seemed like an immature response. Although I respect him moving on and they’ve gone onto “other things”, that song lacks tact. I know that it’s for shock value but these songs oftentimes become the anthem for our every day lives, here and abroad. Just the other day I heard a Russian couple talking and the guy said “Yeah, started from the bottom”. I laughed but the music (especially of hip-hop culture) is infectious. Now, I’m not saying this song should be your New Year’s Resolution but if it is, there is a way to do it.
There are a range of reasons why you have cut people off intentionally. It’s only natural that people grow apart; but there are tactful ways to say goodbye. When you split from people, places and problems progressively, that’s just one of the effects of ‘Doing You’. This is most effective and most independent stance you can have in life. Russell Simmons even wrote a book about it called “Do You”. So how do you do you and how do you know if you’re doing you effectively? Do you
1. Assess agendas, your intentions, relationships and responsibility
2. Start projects on time, giving your best effort even before receiving “$”
3. Put yourself in productive spaces and company
4. Have an open mind: flexible in your wants/needs of others and yourself
5. Have a back-up plan and remain consistent in your quality of work
6. Feel energized from the work you do and the people you listen to
If you answered NO to any of these, you’re not really doing you. Not as good as you thought, at least. If you, answered YES to all of these you’re not completely out the woods yet. Even Jay-Z in his success made a song called “30 Something” which he talks about all the things he cut off and how he is adjusting to being 30. Kendrick Lamar made “Cut You Off” taking jabs at all the indicators that made him move on from any negativity even family members. Think about the things that you are loyal to that are bringing you down or making you practice an “isolation bias”.
Isolation Bias is when you tolerate behaviors, conditions and actions from people that you should not or would not from everyone else. Let’s say for example you’ve finally made some headway in clearing out the negative influences in your life and you’re “doing you”, but the new people in your life have the same or worse habits of the people you cut off. How do you prevent these people from becoming detrimental to your work, happiness, progress? Hitting a wall can be a very isolated feeling when made by making exceptions for people. You may feel fake or torn about how to address things. Here are some #ProTips when thinking of saying “Bye Felicia”
- Don’t delete them from Facebook just unfollow them if you can
- Ask yourself “what can I actually do here?” sometimes its out of your control but other times keeping it real is best.
- Be T.A.C.T.F.U.L: Timely. Accurate. Considerate. Talking Factually Unbiased. Listen. (anything less is blunt and possibly disrespectful)
- Leave it alone. Actions speak louder than words and this is a last resort. Leave it all in the past… but if you must speak on it
- Refrain from the “I broke up with him/her” It’s a petty way to address it when others ask. Terms like “Ex best friend” etc, is tacky too.
- Understand what side of the bridge you’re on before you burn it.
- Don’t be afraid of keeping it real, it’s healthy. No need to cut people off everytime you are upset or sad. Taking 10 seconds, meditating, or engaging in some healthy venting is cool too. Allow yourself to have that moment.
Recognizing your bias and/or privilege is also very helpful way to exit your isolation. Creating a more diverse environment for relationships and work. What are some #ProTips you have or if you have tried any of the above let me know what has worked best for you at Contact.Fresh15@gmail.com