Life is always laughing at our control fantasies. The way we impose limits where limits have no right to be, building walls to separate one from another, you from me, he from she. And these walls don’t keep others out; they keep us in. Let’s call it self-containment, or self-defence, since life beyond those walls must be hellish scary.
In 1989 Holmes and Rempel taught us about the building blocks of trust in close relationships. They told us that there are just three: 1) predictability, 2) dependability, and 3) faith. Predictability: we need to be able to predict what our partner is going to do, we need to be able to rely on a consistent pattern of behavior. Dependability: someone that can be counted on to be there and help us, especially during the tough times. Faith: a belief in the other that their reasons for being benevolent go beyond extrinsic motivation.