I completely get what you’re saying. I have felt that anger boiling in me for many years. But I have been practicing what they call in DBT therapy, radical acceptance.
There was a lot of anger built up in me that was mostly unexpressed. It was fueling my eating disorder and my PTSD. I was fighting against the reality of what is. I was trying to fix the past in the present, and you know how you can’t do that.
Then, one day in group, we were talking about the concept of just letting go of that struggle. I could feel my whole body relax. I was done.
There are little mantras that go with radical acceptance. It doesn’t mean what happened (or is happening) was just. It doesn’t mean no one was to blame. It doesn’t mean we weren’t wronged.
It just means I am not fighting against what is already truth emotionally. What a weight off my shoulders. I could finally express my feelings verbally, instead of having them frozen inside me, too.
I was also free to appreciate what I did have. It opened this door to positive memories of my past — of which there are so many.
I do feel catharsis reading your words though. Because this situation is happening in the moment, and it is important to actually feel the negative emotions that come with the experience. No stuffing them. Makes me stuff my face.