The Shedding…. Bad Mommy

The second edition of the The Shedding…. Bad Mommy was beyond a successful event. We tapped into something so deep and powerful the women attending didn’t even know they needed. We created a safe space and time for Mom’s to share their Bad Mommy stories. To go deeper than the stories and shed their shame, Megan, my life coach and co creator of Popup Minx, created an awesome exercise. We focused on the transformative moment when you have the power to choose to go from bad mommy to good mommy. Below is my Bad Mommy story I performed at the event. You can read or listen here .

We laugh, we cried, we drank! This was just the beginning of the conversation, the community, and the outreach we are doing. Moms everywhere need this experience. We need to shed our shame, let it go. We want to help. Email us popupminx@gmail.com, watch our You Tube video about the event.

THE SHEDDING…BAD MOMMY

By Debbie Mink

(my mom’s voice) I always knew I wasn’t an abusive parent because I was always able to stop myself short of killing you guys. Even though I really wanted to do you in.

This is a story about cycles and shame and shedding the shame.

This is a story about coffee and wine and the passing of time.

This is The Shedding second edition Bad Mommy.

This is a story about coffee and wine and the passing of time.

Yup coffee and wine. How I manage my daily momming. Coffee because i get up at the crack of dawn to get some alone time. Time to work on creative projects as I shed myself to get back to myself. Time away from you time for me. Because I am finally coming out of the early years of mom fog.

The early years when i would write things like this:

Yessss- they’re asleep! Now it’s time for my glass of wine down as I wax poetic and get all teary over the fact that it was the last time I will put my kids to bed as a 3 & a 1 year old. And I do know I love my kids so much it hurts.

Yes, coming out of the early mom fog when it was all about you and now I am shedding myself to get back to myself wanting to be who I came out to SF to be, an artist. Wanting to live and lead by example so you too can find your creative outlets and lives purpose and eat healthy and exercise and not watch too much TV. And, with that shedding of myself to get back to myself there is a ginormous tectonic shift of focus from you to me. And now I write things like this:

And I do know I love you so much it hurts. Then why do I want to hurt you so much when you don’t listen. Why do I have no patience for the smallest nuisance, bickering, or disrespect but for the biggest spill, the biggest mistake, I am totally calm for and accept. Why can’t you just listen so I don’t have to repeat myself again, and again, and again, and get aggravated. Why can’t you just listen so I am not driven to the point of wanting to grab you a little too hard so that it may leave bruises and drag you kicking and screaming to your room and lock you in there until I don’t know -forever. Instead if I am in control and self aware at that moment I may say mommy needs a time out.

(my mom’s voice) I always knew I wasn’t an abusive parent because I was always able to stop myself short of killing you guys. Even though I really wanted to do you in.

This is a story about cycles and shame and shedding the shame.

This is a story about coffee and wine and the passing of time.

Mom is a three letter word, a palindrome and a title i take very seriously. But when I hear Mama Mama Mama Mama incessantly which is what you call me it makes me want to SSSSSSCCCRRRREEEEAAAAMMMMM, even through we are instituting a zero tolerance screaming policy in the house. Mama is four letter word just like fuck, shit, dick…you know all the bad words. All the words you are to young to say. So what are you trying to say by calling me Mama?

This is a story about cycles and shame and shedding the shame.

This is a story about coffee and wine and the passing of time.

And I need my coffee to get me through the day and my wine down at night to get me through the shortcomings of my momming. Of all the things I am not doing to help make you who you need to be. I want you to be well read because well read people are really smart. But instead I am letting your mind turn to mush as you sit there watching terrible reality TV shows like Dance Moms, So You Think You Can Dance, or So You Think You Can Dance The Next Generation, Little Big Shots, America’s Got Talent. You are staying up past 9:00 and then you want me to read to you??? No way, I am not going to read to you because it is so late- You know there is that kids book Go the Fuck to Sleep? Well go the fuck to sleep. Mommy needs to wine down.

You see i am a sibling too and up until I was 18 I was a mean terrible sibling. A jealous, hurtful, physically and emotionally damaging sibling. And therefore I see it in your eyes. I know your next move that uncontrollable bit of rage that is going to overtake the sensible part of your brain and make you get physical. It is like an instinctive impulse a blind force that takes over. Sometimes it lasts a few seconds and sometimes a few minutes but it happens in an instant. And I am trying to lead by example and not let it overtake me too. I am an adult and have the power to choose my reactions to your actions. But it is excruciatingly hard. And I need to be fast to stop you, I mean me, I mean you, I mean me, I mean you,I mean me, I mean you, I mean you, me it needs to stop. STOP. And sometimes words are too slow and actions are faster.

This is a story about cycles and shame and shedding the shame.

This is a story about coffee and wine and the passing of time.

And sometimes I don’t even want to be touched by you or even be near you.

I am getting up at the crack for my alone time. So why do you wake up then too. As I am writing this you come in all messy bed headed sleepy eyed with your blanket and climb into my lap for cuddles. Irresistible but beyond annoying. And you are hungry. It’s 6:00 am. Who is hungry at 6:00 am? And, now you want to talk, asking me incessantly Mama Mama Mama , are my thumbs up or down, Mama Mama Mama, are my thumbs up or down, Mama Mama Mama, are my thumbs up or down, up or down Mama up or down? And I am ignoring you because I want to write. Mama Mama Mama and it is 6:00 am and I am almost done with my first coffee. Mama Mama Mama and I may also be ready for my first glass of wine. Mama Mama Mama.