The Man With A Plan Is Never Alone
Last week, I spent the evening with a good buddy of mine. As with most times men get together, we got on the subject of women. My buddy has been married for several years now, but I can tell they are both really still in love, which is more than I can say for a lot of married couples out there.
One of the secrets he shared with me on how he keeps the momentum of his marriage going revolves around a concept I preach aggressively: Leadership; having a plan and executing it.
Occasionally, he and his wife will go away for a weekend together. So what, lots of couples do that, right? The difference is, he plans the entire weekend for them. He will only tell her what she should bring along so she can be ready for anything he has planned. The rest is a complete and total surprise. He decides where they’re going and what they’re doing. She just gets to relax, show up and have fun.
Now you may read that and say, “That sounds pretty controlling”. It is, if all you’re planning is stuff that only you will enjoy and you force her to rigidly abide by every detail of the plan.
The problem is most men will expect their wife or girlfriend to decide what to do and where to go, because they are scared of disappointing her. While from the outside, this makes sense to a man, it is a huge turn off for women because it shows the man is uncertain, approval seeking and is unsure of his ability to make sound decisions, demonstrating an overall lack of confidence; not attractive at all.
Your wife or girlfriend, if she is a feminine woman, wants a masculine man. Feminine women want a leader and part of leadership is being decisive. She doesn’t want total control, she doesn’t want to make the plans. Decisiveness and planning shows certainty, confidence and strength which makes her feel cared for, safe, loved and protected.
So it will never be controlling as long as your planning is based on what you know you will both enjoy doing. She wants you to create an experience for her.
It is about creating an experience that you can both share together, but one that she knows is for her. When you put in the effort of taking over all the planning and organizing with her happiness and enjoyment in mind, it makes her feel incredibly special and loved. That will be enough to keep the tank full for quite a while after you get home.
The experience is something that she can revisit as a great memory for the two of you. More importantly, though, she will associate the fun, excitement and happiness she experienced, with you.
Remember to stay flexible in some of your plans over the weekend. Women tend to love spontaneity and a man who is willing to go with the flow and not be too rigid. If something fun comes up that was not part of the initial plan but the two of you would enjoy doing, it’s ok to go ahead and break with the plans.