I wish you all the best. Pain is taskmaster like no other and one seeks to rid of it in any way possible. Days, hours, minutes and seconds are spent pondering on how to alleviate albeit seconds of pain.
It makes a mess. Alas from pain, from fiery pain sometimes beautiful things do arise. I see your memoir as such — your life. True that at times one may think, am I living through pain or am I living for pain. From trials and tribulations deep simplistic thoughts do appear.
Again I hope you find solace and relief very soon. That your mind find rest and your body be reposed.