The State of Texas Walks into a Bar

One Texan’s interaction with the State of Minnesota

The state of Texas walks into a bar with guns blazing. The big fella shuffles his boots and pulls up a stool next to the State of Minnesota.

“Howdy,” Texas says, adjusting his belt on his waist while nervously smoothing his greying, thick, bushy mustache. His wide-brimmed hat makes it difficult to see his eyes, yet eye contact for Texas isn’t expected, it’s earned.

“Oh, hey der. How are youuuuu? My name’s Marnie from Minnesoooota. Whatcha gonna do with dat gun der?” asked Marnie.

“Just protecting my family Maam,” responds Texas. He reaches up to take off the yellow cowboy hat, revealing a nearly bald head, with just a few patches of grey hair remaining. “There are some crazy people out there.”

“Oh yah; you betcha; it’s crazy times fur sure. I gotta tell ya a story about my friend Sven from Bemidji,” Marnie says while methodically stirring her whiskey and coke. Marnie’s made this bar her home after her husband left her for a ski instructor.

“Bemidji? Where’s that? I’ve never heard of that place,” Texas replies; a hint of annoyance and frustration creeps into his voice.

“Oh yah; it’s only a short snowmobile drive southwest from International Falls. You ain’t met cold until you’ve visited Da Falls,” says Marnie, sipping her drink with a calm, cool confidence.

“My friend Sven ran his snowmobile on super thin ice on Lake Minnesota. Dat’s just a big no-no when the calendar turns April. Der were signs everywhere warning snowmobilers that conditions weren’t good but Sven’s Nordic determination got da best of him. Personally, I think he’d been drinking. He never met a vodka he didn’t like,” Marnie stated in a slurry, tired voice.

“So what happened to your friend?” Texas asked as he took his first taste of beer from a frosted mug.

“Whoops. I forgot to tell ya. They found him and Kirsten — that was the name he gave his snowmobile — at the bottom of Lake Minnetonka. I guess he’s keeping the muskies company now. Poor thing,” Marnie answered, jiggling her glass as she tipped it back, trying to get every last drop of her whiskey and coke.