Notes to Myself #5

Its good that I was active the whole day. Usually I regret and hate whatever I do. I need to forgive myself. I need to give myself a break. Break free from this self hate, this complex, I am not good enough thing.

People are different. Yes! that’s it, it relieves my pain. This self perspective should sustain for few days till the time the other half overcomes this and I become -ve again. For now, I am different. I am a superman who doesn’t know his powers. My wings are basking the sun and getting dry.

I have no wish to be in the top of the world, it negates one option but it gets me so irritated to not know exactly what I want to do. I am everywhere, I don’t have that one thing. May be I am not supposed to. My life is not defined by rules of society. May be I am supposed to be everywhere, do everything. I am what I do and what I do is dependent on time, now.

“If we admit that human life can be ruled by reason, the possibility of life is destroyed.” — Tolstoy

Thinking is doing good to me. So does sleep. I am writing good things finally, the muddy water from my tap is clearing. I will let it flow. I should just try to find myself. Try to make sense out of my living. Being busy keeps those thoughts away for sometimes but my brain builds up the blizzard by then and it’s really hard to survive then. Answers are within me, I never stopped and looked inside.

I started this post in negative and dull mood but glad that I did start it. Be myself next time.

Ending this note with “Something Good” for you by alt-J.

Something good, oh something good, oh something good,
Oh something good tonight will make me forget about you for now

Get high, hit the floor before you go
Matador, estocada, you’re my blood sport

~Fin~