McGregor Seen at MIT Studying Time Travel to Set-Up Fight Against Goliath for 30 Pieces of Silver

Pop Culture DNA
Jul 25, 2017 · 2 min read

Blue Ball Sports has exclusive footage of Connor McGregor enrolled in a lecture on quantum mechanics to figure out humanities age old question, “Can I invent the time machine and personally go back in time and kick Goliath’s ass?” McGregor has never shied away from a battle but it seems he has simply run out of heads to dribble off the floor in this century.

We at Blue Balls tried to get more info on McGregor’s momentous task. We stopped by Chuck Lawrence’s office who has a Ph.D. in physics from MIT to understand how exactly McGregor could pull it off. He simply laughed at us and told us to get the fuck out of his office.

We had the opportunity to look and see how McGregor’s progress was going in the classroom. His professor said McGregor was “excelling at all his classes and was the smartest man on Earth.” We did find it quite odd his professor had a black eye, was sweating profusely and reading off pre written notecards. We didn’t notice the puddle of piss under his shoes until he walked away but it seems Connor may be getting close to the greatest achievement in human sciences.

McGregor seems unphased by the four feet height advantage the giant has on him. With that height disadvantage also comes a 42inch reach advantage for Goliath as well. We asked McGregor how he plans to make up the weight advantage. He says he’s just glad Hardee’s has a Pork-apocalypse biscuit for the mornings and a baby back rib burger for supper. It seems McGregor will need more than a set brass balls and stones to take this giant down.

We asked McGregor how he felt about the blasphemous act of beating Goliath and not King David. McGregor responded as only McGregor knows how “If that pacifist pussy Jesus wants to stop me he can be my guest.” When pushed if he’s scared of all calling the Son of God a pussy in any way, he simply replied “the guy that got nailed to a tree? I eat nails for breakfast.” It seems McGregor’s mouth is still willing to write checks his mouth is going to have to cash.

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