Hi, it’s me the one guy that asked for a MacGyver reboot
My name has been coming up a lot today because there is a MacGyver reboot right and all these people are seeing the preview for it being like “ewww, who asked for this?” And I’m like, me. I asked for it. I’m not really sorry about it. Well, let me clarify that. I’m not sorry about the MacGyver reboot at all. I’m actually really excited for it. So guys, just please try not to ruin this for me.
What I am sorry about is being the Neo (you know, “the one” ha) of asking for the MacGyver reboot. It’s complicated, like Meryl Streep and Alec Baldwin laying bed together.
Basically, I never thought they’d make it when I asked for it. I was at this party and I didn’t really know anybody so in order to make conversation I went to a couple of the go-to lines I keep in my back pocket. One is about doing the reverse math from your birthday to figure out when you were conceived. It gets everyone involved but it was sort of a fancy function and that’s more of a momentum keeper than an ice breaker. So I went with my other trusty opener: “Did you ever see the episode of MacGyver with the killer ants that eat people? They pretty much based all of Indiana Jones and the Crystal Skull off that one MacGyver ep.” And then for like 20 or 30 minutes I listed all the ways the two are really one and the same. It went over like super well.
So then, now that everyone is engaged, I go in for the kill and I’m like okay let’s all go around and name our fave MacGyver ep. The killer ants one is good but my real #1 is when he has to break into the casino to steal some diamonds and he rigs all the games like marking the cards in blackjack with a backwards ring and using magnets to mess up the roulette wheel and getting the slot machines to hit jackpots to cause a distraction so he can break into the big suite and dump the stones down a pipe he made into the sunroof of a car. Nobody else could really name their top MacGyver ep but it was totally fine because they knew different tricks he did and then I could tell them what episode it was from.
Now it’s like around midnight and I’m getting ready to start asking everyone what their birthdays are but before I do I just had to make the point that “life hacks” really stole their whole marketing from MacGyver. Back in the day we used to call what you call “life hacks” now, we used to call them “MacGyverings.” Like here’s twelve MacGyvers about a tape measure you never knew. And now it’s all life hacks. And that’s bullshit. So I was like, imagine if MacGyver was around today, he’d probably be kind of proud that he started this whole “life hack” revolution but also he’s probably be kind of p.o.’d (pissed off) because he’s not getting any credit for like all the interesting ways you can make toast easier. Like he’d want to just be proud like he left a good legacy because deep down MacGyver always does the right things, he likes helping people. But also, those YouTube accounts get a lot of hits and like spread the love a little bit, those syndication checks only go so far in this economy.
All of a sudden this guy turns around and he’s like I couldn’t help but overhear you but do you think MacGyver would be good if he was around in modern times. And I was like “no.” “I think he’d be fucking great.” Everyone else I was talking to had to leave but I stayed and chopped it up with my new friend. You know how all the crime shows now are all about hacking and computers and GPS and nerds being cool? MacGyver isn’t good at computers, like he’s kind of good at everything, he can even play a few sports because he’s a natural athlete, but he wouldn’t be crashing firewalls or anything. MacGyver in modern times would. be. causing. havoc.
Well, cut to a few months later and now there is a MacGyver reboot and it’s literally starring the kid who played Havok in the X-Men movies but with like really cool long flowing floppy hair like the scene in Usual Suspects when they show Keyser Soze’s profile but not his face and he looks like an original member of Ratt. And when I said he would cause havoc I didn’t mean that kind of Havok but also like yeah wow let’s do this, X-Men mount up. The guy I was talking to was totally hooked into the Les Moonves network in some sort of invite your friends to Linkedin via email scenario. You know what that means. Green light. And even though I’m not getting any of the money or credit for being the one guy who asked for this I don’t care because it is 2016 and we’re about to find out what MacGyver, like THEEEEE MacGyver’s kid is all about. And they teamed him up with a fast-talking no nonsense FBI agent who is like “I don’t high-five, I’m a professional.” I laughed so hard at that part of the preview.
There you go, that’s the story behind this MacGyver reboot. Like I said, I’m the guy who asked for this and I’m really excited about so please just try not to ruin it for me. Thanks!