Past and Presence

A month ago I groaned at the idea of “just cuddling.” It felt so silent and unproductive and for a talkative and busy guy like me. Now, I yearn for the feeling of her embrace, the warmth of her body, and the ability to just lie next to her and appreciate how lucky of a guy I am.

A month ago I didn’t want to study with her. I didn’t want to distract her, and I didn’t want to distract myself. Now, sitting at a desk for one in my room, I want to reach over, rub her back, and tell her everything’s going to be ok. I want forgo my chat notifications for chats with her, and I want to hold her hand with one of mine as I write with the other.

A month ago I was reluctant to stay “too long” at her place. I thought I had a lot of work to do and not enough time to finish it. Now, back home for the entire summer, I wish I were back in her apartment where five minutes would turn into thirty. I wish I could’ve walked her back to her apartment again instead of to airport check-in. I wish I could “just visit” her across the world and forget about everything else.

I miss my girl, and I wish I had spent more time with her when I could. I miss falling asleep with her in my arms and waking up to her snug against my chest. I miss smothering her with kisses knowing full well she’d never refuse one from me. I miss looking at her beautiful face without needing a glowing screen, and I miss messaging her about when she was free instead of how I want to visit but can’t.

Long distance sucks, and nothing did or could prepare me for this.

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