I spend a lot of time in my daydreams. I often paint a better tomorrow in my mind, and I use the mental images to ground me. I rest at night only by dreaming first, telling myself “good things are coming,” in order to put the overwhelming and painful thoughts that keep me up to bed.
I find I have a habit of daydreaming and saying this to myself in preparation for a moment when things suddenly feel “easier.” A time will come when I am light on my feet and in my heart, head, and spirit — the hope…
Recently, as we all know, the world got a little bit quieter. We were pushed inside of our homes. This new stillness was one I had never met before. I could suddenly hear the walls breathe, and the water flow inside my shower pipes.
While many of us work hard to steady our breath on a regular day, the past couple of months have been far from typical. The new days have tested my daily routine, and the toolbelt I had as well — the armor I kept to protect my mental health. This hasn’t been the usual battle; this…
For the longest time, I thought the battle with my periods were typical.
I was incredibly emotional, no matter how threatening the moment was — I found myself crying at commercials with babies in them or digging up memories and reflecting on my history of loved lost. I would turn into a moody mess. Laughing would turn to tears, and heartbreak would turn quickly to anger. I was eating chocolate like there was no tomorrow some days and nothing at all on others — I thought all was well acknowledged and associated with my time of the month. …
I woke up and immediately knew what kind of day it’d be;
One that wasn’t on my side. As soon as I woke, an accumulation of all-things-overwhelming decided to come to the forefront of my brain. I stared blankly at the ceiling and turned over, gripping my pillow — wishing I could sleep forever.
Of course, there are days when we are validated in feeling crushed. Grieving or crying is understood based on a traumatic event or hardship — whether it be a job loss, breakup, or death. …
We all experience times in our lives when we feel that we are breaking.
At least, I assume, everyone has experienced a sense of loss within themselves and the world around them.
Specific periods in your life where you can remember an inner world of chaos and pain more aggressively than your constant state. Maybe it’s a time you look back on or maybe you’re going through it right now.
Well, I was thinking of one specific time when I was crashing
into the pits of rock bottom.
A place I did not know existed- A time when I had…
Are you sad today? I am.
Obviously, sometimes we can understand our sadness based on something that may have happened to us or is going on in our life, but other times it feels like a dark cloud coming through with no explanation. Today, “I am just sad” I’d say.
I’m definitely capable of thinking of a few reasons or current happenings in my life that have caused hurt- but this overwhelming feeling, robbing my headspace, coming out of nowhere -I often dismiss as being related to any of that. Do you do this? …
I remember the syrupy sound of my dad’s voice telling me he was the one that cut my umbilical cord.
I remember thinking kissing made babies.
I remember thinking love was not conditional.
I remember when I believed everyone was kind.
I remember Sunday night blues, every Sunday night.
I remember when the sun would come out tomorrow.
I remember needing to sleep with those magical beads.
I remember the sound of my mothers ankles as she walked down the stairs.
I remember when I thought everyone sang in the rain.
I remember the moment my dog died.
Tears in my eyes
and a robbed heart.
Feeling more alone
than under the covers
with just myself.
I needed to
To heal and
quiet my mind
-those voices saying,
“years are passing
and your dreams are drying.
take time and begin to love yourself again.”
that sweet little girl
you have a clear memory of,
with a world inside her,
brushing her teeth in the mirror-
Not knowing she’d wake one day
to a woman filled with fear.
I don’t wanna let her down.
any other pain I’d rather feel.
My favorite candy
the Willy Wonka shroom,
aka low fat licorice twists-
red, chewy and enjoyably childish,
didn’t taste good
as they gripped my throat and
filled my eyes with more tears
the night my dog died.
And I remember how hard it was to swallow that toasted,
cream cheese filled,
sesame bagel half
my brother gave me
when I was,
in my own home
the morning my mom left.
Such a distinct feeling in my throat as I attempted to swallow.
Tight and clogged,
like the drain in my shower filled with hair-
I took my heart and gave it to you. I loved you in your darkest. I saw a beauty deep in you that I simply wanted you to see for yourself.
I was chasing peace with someone who had none in them.
I regret none of it.
I cared for you with all of me because I wanted to.
But, I looked at a broken woman in the mirror last week. She screamed within crying out, “please choose me this time.”
The idea, you accept the love you think you deserve, clicked within me — and I was unafraid for…
There was something so pleasant about that place.