Better the Scumbag You Know

We all have that one friend. She gets her heart broken by a complete and total asshole, one that you told her to be careful of, not that we’re trying to add insult to injury. You spend months talking only about said asshole, assuring her that he doesn’t deserve her. You’re so happy when she finds a new, nice boy… but she’s not. She compares the nice boy to the asshole, and you’re not shocked when she dumps nice boy in four months. She swears she learned her lesson with the asshole, but something about them hanging out and hooking up makes you think she hasn’t. (I wonder?)

So what’s her problem? Why isn’t she giving the nice boy a chance? More importantly, WHY ARE YOU STILL LISTENING TO HER BITCH ABOUT THE ASSHOLE? Because you’re a good friend, obviously, and you can’t tell her openly that she’s a fucking idiot, you just have to hint at it in a nice way. “I just don’t think it’s in your best interest.” “Don’t forget what happened before; just please keep your guard up.” But no matter what you say, you know she’s falling for the asshole. How do we, as good friends that care, put an end to this stupid merry-go-round of drama? Clearly indirect suggestions aren’t working, but we don’t want to step on her free will to make her own choices, no matter how dumb they are.

You try to become a little more obvious with your opinion. “He’s not worth your time.” “I don’t trust him, and you shouldn’t either.” She disregards your concern, assuring you that she knows what she’s doing, but again-does she? She’s not done with him, like you’re trying to suggest she do. So, naturally, you get more obvious. “I don’t want to watch you walk in to a trap. He hasn’t changed, you know that. It’s hard to let go, but you can’t keep doing it until you’re thirty and find out he’s engaged to somebody else through Facebook.” She’s a little offended, but you both know you’re right.And she still disregards it.

Am I speaking Mandarin? Do you understand me? A person doesn’t mentally age four years in six months, no matter what he wants you to think. What can we do other than be brutally honest about your thoughts? Nothing. At the end of the day, she’s your friend and you love her. It’s her mistake to make, and you’re going to have to let her make it. And you’ll be there when he breaks her heart again, and you’ll pick up the pieces again. You’ll let her talk about it for months again, and you won’t complain or say “I told you so.”

For the love of God, ladies: do not be this girl. Realize what’s bad for you and what is a waste of your time (the scumbag). Listen to your friends, they’re not being unsupportive, they are actually looking out for you. If you have to, take a step back and assess the situation if the scumbag did this to your best friend. Would it be best for her to take him back? If not, say goodbye. If you really think so, for reasons other than because you know it’s not actually about your friend, then you could be right. Follow your heart, but don’t let your guard down right away. Or, preferably never let it down. Be as smart as you would if he was brand new into your life..