A Casual Encounter

Last night there were two encounters with two different women.

One casual sex in my car. Another a casual date. We could categorise both of these events as a ‘casual encounter’, yet these two occasions have been years in the making.

One is in fact the result of a casual encounter ad on Craigslist, while the other is from the alternative to Craigslist — a dating app. Now the way in which these encounters went we could definitely see this as something casual, one person I had just met while the other I have met twice, and both were spontaneous in their timing.

However when we define casual it is something not permanent or irregular. The thing is with these two people, one I have met over a year ago and guaranteed to hear from every few months. The other I had spoken with about 2 years ago, and every year around the same time I hear from her.

Now while this is casual in a sense, is it irregular? Although I don’t see these people I feel like I know them fairly well because it has been some time and there have been many discussions. We have gotten to know each other on a cultural level, know the areas where we each live, our occupations and even shared stories of old relationships.

Is it also not permanent? It is a guarantee I will hear from these people at different times throughout my life, and more frequently many relationships are starting to become this way. I feel like presently the way in which we live and our habits as people dictate more casual relationships — be it friends, family, lovers or acquaintances. It is difficult to tell the difference sometimes and it permanently plays a factor in our connections.

In this day and age what is a casual encounter? Craigslist is no longer around, so the definition of that cant remain the same. If it means to see someone irregularly for different reasons then we casually encounter people all of the time. However these days with such an online presence we still don’t feel that these are irregular meetings. We know all the details of each others lives just by logging in.

The same goes for sexual or possible romantic relationships, we can connect before ever even meeting in real life. While nothing truly feels casual anymore it also takes time to even build these casual relationships.

What I felt as two quick casual encounters on a Saturday night was actually years and hours of texting and scrolling through ads and profiles to get to this point. While it looks like a scene of a playa in a movie getting hit up by two girls it is the result of time spent + free time + boredom = two encounters.

Like with anything we value, seeds must be planted and time must be put in before we can truly enjoy the fruits of our labour. Even for something as insignificant as a casual encounter off of craigslist and casual sex off of a dating app.

This also holds true for all of the casual relationships we have in life whether they be texting an old friend, emailing an old relative, stalking an ex girlfriends profile or just meeting new people. There is always time taken and the one’s that we take the most time for should be one’s that we value in order to move away from so many casual encounters.

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