How To Deal With Your Toxic Masculinity | 1
Male all too Male
“Most powerful is he who has himself in his own power.”
— Seneca
What is a man? The concept of masculinity is a complex and elusive one. I always say, “masculinity entails taking the responsibility inherent of the man that I was born.” It’s important to note that this doesn’t imply that women cannot take responsibilities. In this definition, the emphasis lies on the word “I”. It’s a deeply personal perspective. A woman may hold a similar view on femininity, and her interpretation of “responsibility” could also differ. I have no intention of providing a universal definition of what’s masculine or feminine. However, I can assert with confidence that both fall within the realm of being human — occasionally, all too human.
Defining a man is a challenging task. Nonetheless, a toxic man can be identified by distinct characteristics that are easily recognizable. Such an individual inflicts harm upon himself and his community through an excessive display of traditionally masculine traits, like an aggressive competitive spirit. He suppresses his emotions and rejects weakness. Furthermore, he seeks dominance while lacking empathy. A toxic man is someone you might not exactly enjoy having a drink with.
But are all the traits that contribute to a toxic man inherently negative? And just how gender-specific are these traits, really? I believe that we all grapple with these traits at times. They are inherently human. Therefore, they aren’t intrinsically harmful and are simply facets of the human experience. Our traits are like our hands, they are capable of pulling a splinter from a paw or the trigger of a gun, with the choice being yours.
Stoicism is an age-old philosophy that revolves around self-acceptance, embracing all aspects of our human nature to become the best versions of ourselves. Inner strength, individualism, and self-control are virtues to be nurtured.
In this and the coming articles, I aim to illustrate how ancient Stoicism remains relevant in our contemporary world. Every trait we are born with is an integral part of us — we cannot simply shed them, and they may have the potential to harm us. However, we also need them to grow. Stoicism helps us understand our inner values, allowing us to direct our traits toward positive growth.
In the forthcoming articles, I intend to underscore how the toxic traits that often complicate our human existence can be traced back to the ego. These traits are often labeled as masculine, but anyone can benefit from increased self-awareness. I will delve into how Stoic wisdom can effortlessly assist us in aligning our traits in a way that promotes healthy growth, ensuring we do not inadvertently poison ourselves or our surroundings.
This is part one of my article series Male all too male. I once wrote a book on toxic masculinity. You can find it here (German). I want to translate it and upload the single chapters on medium. I will do so daily. I want to make people feel better about them selves by growing them into a better self;)
If you find the ideas here intriguing please consider following. And clap loudly to let me know!
best
-Dominik
