Russian Missiles Hit My Mind
Russian missiles fell on my country for the first time since World War II today. They were probably not supposed to hit Poland, they were in fact targeted at the nearby Ukrainian city but still, they were war-related and we are clearly on the side of the enemy. Two people died.
When the invasion of Ukraine started in February this year, I was glued to the TV for days. I was paralyzed with anxiety over my family, with this thick layer of the awkwardness of my presence in Canada covering my sense of self. It wasn’t guilt yet, but it felt insignificant and unnecessary to be here.
I couldn’t stand it so one night I got drunk and bought the tickets for Poland, despite my obligations here. Only when I properly sobered up I canceled the tickets — the sense of reality kicked back in. But the need was apparently there and I needed to detach myself from my life here with liquor to reach out to this deeper need.
The next months brought war-time stability — something which is hard to imagine for most of us. In Poland, we were not really that much affected, people were mostly focused on helping the war victims and millions of immigrants from across the eastern border. But we watched them adapt and survive, exactly in that war-time stability that we hope to never experience ourselves again.
