Kid Raises Hell in Creative Writing Class — “Class, finish my sentence,” the teacher said. “‘When I look in the mirror, I see…’” She wrote on the blackboard. The teacher added “you must write something” before getting to go to recess. I peeked around the room. Girls had gone wild with their writing. The teacher asked, “Who needs…

‘What Are They Doing Here, Where WE Live?’ —

WELCOME TO MY LEFT-HANDED LIFE —

Some book lovers might think that the bookstore is an endangered species.

I needed help understanding Bart Simpson in the beginning. Back in 1989, I was an undiagnosed autistic. His “Don’t have a cow, man” motto confused quite literal me. I confess Bart was joking about FARMING. You know? Sponsor a calf, perhaps? In reality, he was comparing someone’s reaction to the…

How many ass-related terms do you know, Smartypants? — “Tommy said BUTT,” the girls cooed. “Tommy said a naughty word. Tee hee!” I was learning the rules of double entendre humor in kindergarten. Tovah Rainsong’s “No Ifs, Ands, or Butts” rekindled my love for witty wordplay. Long before I knew of comedians like Lenny Bruce becoming famous for “working…

Thank you, television. Before The Big Bang Theory and Young Sheldon, the world had little idea of my middle name. Thomas SHELDON Owens As I wrote that, I heard my angry mother charging me with yet another kid crime. After all, when the authorities shout your entire name, that’s a…

I identify with preschoolers when I’m shopping for groceries. I’m just as interested as they are in the products on the bottom shelf. To me, this is where bargains hide. To the youngest shoppers, these items are within easy reach. So many colors to see. So many different boxes to…

Batman has a utility belt. My secret weapon is a pocket notebook. Story ideas materialize instantly. I catch them! Old-school. Simple note-taking. “But I could save it in my phone.” Do what works for you. For me, I am ADHD. Bright, shiny objects derail me. …