Rest in Peace
Have you ever flirted with death? Not a straight on tease, more like a subtle reminder that one day you both will intertwine so passionately and deeply that the rest of your life will fade into some shady ignorance. Or even worse, maybe, you’ve formulated false realities of your death. What if I jump? Will the air resistance cushion my suppressed emotions as I descend the drop? Will the impact tilt the canvas of my internal organs and cause the red paint to skew ?
Life is so fragile. And beautiful. It feels limitless but time slowly ticks until there’s a cap violently screwed on and I’ll feel so bottled up that I’ll explode. Explode on the floor, the walls, and the roofs that repeatably binds us to these encompassing pressures. The sun will shrivel me up and I’ll be put outside to dry.
I woke up at 5 am in the morning thinking about you. I paced the room as I thought about how I had the privilege to wake up while you didn’t. I label myself the robber and you the victim, I didn’t know you but I wish I did. You are a role model, an inspiration, a math president, a friend, a daughter, a student, a human being and I don’t understand people who said you “were”. They say it as if time and space were not generous enough to give you a spot in our reality. As if god had planned this for you all along.
I ran in the rain in the morning, soaked, with jeans 3 shades darker than I had left the house with and again thought of you. Your warm smile and the loud outrageous laughs that I once heard as I passed your friend group in the hallways found themselves in my stomps in the puddles, and then, in the midst of my scurry, I outrageously laughed with you. Rest in peace.