How to Fix Uber in 6 Easy Steps

It never ceases to amaze how some companies bend over backwards to protect the wrong people. In the case of Uber, they defend Travis and his sexist, ageist toxic behavior which is completely insane. Because of this, if I were the acting CEO of Uber this is what I would do.

  1. Send an e-Mail to the entire company saying that Travis is no longer with Uber — he may be missed, but he is not welcome here. His presence brought pain and stress to many people and he created a company that if he stayed in power would eventually lead to their downfall.
  2. At the same time, hire a ton of crisis counselors to console the true victims of Travis and give the women and all employees over 40 a bonus check equal to one year’s salary. Do NOT (I repeat NOT) give that bonus to any millennial programmer or anyone that supports Travis. For those people go to 3.
  3. For the 1000 people who petitioned the board to bring Travis back, immediately fire them without a package. Make it perfectly clear that they have been fired for cause which is sexual harassment. As part of this, inform them that all EDD claims will be declined and when employers do background checks that their prospective future employers that they were fired for cause, they are ineligible for rehire and they do not represent what Uber should stand for.
  4. Start a wide scale investigation to see who supports Travis and who doesn’t. Anyone who remotely likes him gets fired. Anyone that doesn’t gets to stay — but has to interview for their jobs again.
  5. Find some real programmers that can actually code properly, securely and the like.
  6. Hire a real executive team comprised of intelligent hard working executives that aren’t household names. Your job now is to fix and heal the company. You don’t need cult heroes coming in with their egos. Marissa Meyer almost killed Yahoo by turning it into Google 2.0, Howard Schultz can sell coffee, but he can’t sell tech and so on.
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