There is a book called the Fantasy Bond describing the bond we create when we are actually afraid or unable to actually show up and be who we really are with one another. Its the pretense of relationship that we substitute for real relationship built on real conection based in open, honest sharing of who and how we really are, the expression of our actual feelings, thoughts and sensations that are rolling through us every moment of every day. This isn’t to say we don’t have moments of alone time, when we just stare into space and simply center in our own experience but when we do engage we express what is really going on inside of us and allow one another into the real us as it is happening. This is part of our training in growing up in a society that is afaid of feelings and sexuality and teaches us to hide from one another for fear we will be rejected if we show sometthing unacceptable to the other person. Do I have to give up who I am to be loved by you becomes the questttion and this always ends with separation because we aren’t connecting in the first place and eventually hunger for real connection and go for the sexual heat that we think is going to be the cure for our disconnection. We think the disconnect is with the other person when in fact it is two people disconnected from themselves trying to create connection with one another. As Ester Hicks pointts out, the essential relationship is with our self and when we are centered in our self then we are actually available to connect with someone else and that is when the real connection happens.