A movement to abolish the apostrophe

Post 18 — September 10, 2014

Lets face it. There are some things in the English language that we just dont need. One of which, is the apostrophe.

As I scroll through my news feed on Facebook, the number of times I see the misuse of the apostrophe is just astounding. Apparently when people arent sure they just start adding apostrophes to words.

For example, this fellow decided to tattoo a clever phrase on his body. Unfortunately, his, not so firm grasp, of the English language has landed him a lifetime of shame and ridicule.

Presumably, he got his tattoo done at this fine establishment.

Granted, there are several legitimate uses of the apostrophe, but when was the last time you used an apostrophe where it was absolutely necessary? Can you think of one instance where the meaning of a sentence would be changed due to a missing apostrophe? You may have noticed that I have not used a single apostrophe so far in this blog post yet, and you seem to be following me quite well.

If I wrote, “Adams lunchbox is in the fridge” instead of “Adam’s lunchbox is in the fridge”, can you honestly say that you thought I was referring to a lunchbox known as Adams?

Would you really mistaken “Shell be back in an hour” to mean that a hard protective outer case of a mollusk or crustacean will soon be returning?

The only conceivable example where there would be some confusion would be “The police claims were wrong.” Were the police claims wrong? Or do they claim that we were wrong? Fortunately, this could be simply rectified by abolishing the contraction “we’re” and simply writing the letter “a” instead.*

Before you condemn be to being idiotic and crazy, consider the following:

To the dismay of the “Apostrophe Protection Society”, the cities of Cambridge and Birmingham, England (the land where English originated) have both recently decided to ban the use of apostrophes on all city signs due to confusion regarding their proper use. They also cite that it costs too much money to proof read all the signs to ensure grammatical accuracy.

So, join me in saying “No more!” Lets bring an end to this abomination that is the apostrophe.

*We’re is defined as we are, not we were.

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