Emperor Tinyfists

Illustration Me

I am not the commonplace inquisitor you thought was coming. They told you they would send the Tall One. They have no belief system. This is why they sent me. I sense some hostility towards me and that is okay. I am all right with that. Please, sit in these wonderful chairs I have made for you. They combine the native skills of Tunisian warriors with the wistful desire that burrows deep within all but a few of you. Please, have a seat. This will not take long. Have some wine. I procured it myself. And when I say procured, I mean I slaughtered half a village to bring it to you. So, please have some. No need for a cup. Use your palms. See, you hold them outward, like this. You make a cup with your hand. A cup! This is not something I was taught, mind you. But I teach it to you now because you must listen to me. I have traveled much too far for deaf ears. No, the wine will not make you hear any better. It will make you understand. Understand what is coming next. This will be tomorrow, to be exact. And, let me tell you, you are in for quite a surprise. Doll yourself up, I say. Put on a record. Cobble a new pair of shoes. No, today is not the celebration. After tomorrow, you will no longer need celebrations. Relax. Feel the wine take over your soul. Thousands died so you can drink. And listen. And sit. And wonder at what will soon come over the horizon. But first, you must do something for me. You must make a pact with me. I cannot even explain the pact, as you are too simpleminded to grasp its complexity. You need to trust me. You see, I brought you wine. I have relaxed you. I have killed for your gain. I have killed my children so I could make this journey.

Do not ask questions. Please, trust me. Have some wine. There you go. Use your hands. Put your hands together! There is nothing to worry about.