Here we go again…pt3

Donna Eade
Jul 21, 2017 · 5 min read

2015, weight 9lbs from goal, almost a perfect ten. 2017, after small increases and failed attempts to lose them, weight 9lbs off heaviest back to a 14/16.

If you haven’t checked out part 1 & 2 of this series then you can read them here part1 and here part2.

Left image Monday the 10th of July first day of the holiday and the picture on the right Wednesday the 12th with my beautiful Cousin

Since January this year my unhappiness with my weight has increased along with the lbs. My periods of checking in on my weight had grown further and further apart, meaning when I did step on the scale I’d see a larger increase that would make me feel like losing it again would be impossible. I’d then want to reach for the chocolate with a what’s the point attitude I might as well enjoy my food because whatever I do make no difference I’m just meant to be a big girl.

Crazy isn’t it that this first thing I want when I’m upset about my weight is the thing that’s making it worse. However, I know the answer as to why this is so for me. I’ve always loved food, chocolate, sweets, biscuits, ice cream all the stuff that is bad for you. I also love salad, veg, potatoes, bread especially fresh baked still warm from the oven bread. I hated shopping though, hated that in my teens I couldn’t shop in places like new look and select because their sizes barely past a 14 and I couldn’t afford to shop at NEXT so I had no idea what their size range was. Instead I had to buy from shops with great titles like ‘size up’ which really knocked my fragile teen confidence. So, I avoided shopping in public altogether and ordered from catalogues instead so I could try them on at home. No more trying to squeeze into the main stream store clothes and no more embarrassment at shopping in the plus size store, where my choices where mainly old lady clothes with no sense of any kind of fashion trend.

I’d feel guilty as soon as I finished the chocolate, why, why did I do that? I’ve just made the problem worse, right, no more chocolate.

Recently I celebrated my 36 birthday and part of that always involves some reflection and reflection always includes where I am with my body. This year I’m not likely what I’m seeing. I look in the mirror and I see my hour glass and I love that I’ve always loved my silhouette. However, that means the weight sits in places that are less easy to hide.

My arms are 13 inches around the top and I spent years having to buy sleeved tops that were a size bigger than I actually am to accommodate my arms. This upsets me greatly as I tend to go for arm less tops because of that and then end up with the bit I hate on show. My favourite part of my body excluding my head (because I love my hair too) is my waist. I love the 50's and Marilyn Monroe, which is the era my body shape belongs to. I love those wiggle dresses that show off how tiny the waist is compared to the hips and bust. However when I’m in my bigger body I can’t show this off because showing off my tiny waist would then involve showing off my baby pouch.

This reflection which led me to realise I’m wearing about 10% of my current wardrobe because the rest doesn’t fit or clings in all the wrong places. With my holiday to Wales coming up I knew it was pointless starting anything at that time because I don’t like undoing my work and going back to the beginning.

I chose instead to get really down about my weight complain to everyone and give them the excuse I’ve got a holiday in two weeks there is no point in me doing anything now it will all get undone.

The holiday couldn’t come soon enough. We visited my family and of the 4 nights we were away we ate out for 3 of them. We had brunch everyday no breakfast or lunch, however, by the end of the week I was feeling so uncomfortable in my skin. I felt like I’d definitely put on and was probably going to be right back to my heaviest by the time we got home.

It didn’t stop when we got home either on the Friday we picked my my daughter and her friend and took hem for dinner a late birthday celebration for her friend. I had my usual burger and chips.

I had literally eaten burger and chips 5 nights in a row!

On Saturday night we had committed to going out to an all you can eat to celebrate a friends birthday. I thought great opportunity to get all my favourites eaten and out of my system before Monday morning. I was stuffed by the the end of dinner. Four plates of food but no burger. Sunday saw us attend a 3 hour dance workshop. I was exhausted from the week but I’d promised I’d go and once there I found some energy I didn’t know I had. Once we left at 5:30 however I was done there was no way I was cooking. So we ended up at McDonald’s. It had been a terrible week food wise and this topped it off. I was convinced I was back to my start weight and I was hating myself for it. I had already been checking out Slimming World online. I knew, I was going to sign up again after the above image truly made me feel like I had let myself down.

It was the only thing that had worked in the past and it was time. The count down to the awards was on and this year it’s my companies 100th birthday so I want a spectacular dress and I want to feel amazing in it. I weigh myself that night straight after the McD’s. Why? Because if I was back to my start weight or over, I could fool myself to thinking it was because I was weighing myself at the end of the day. I wasn’t truly that heavy again. As I stepped on the scales I held my breath, I don’t know why, perhaps I thought it would help. I was relieved!

I was the same weight as the last time I’d weighed my self. Still 9lbs from my heaviest.

To some this would have been cause to say sod it, I’ll wait a while before I sign up I’m not doing bad look at everything I ate this week it didn’t even change my weight. This was me for the last 18 months if I put on it was eat and be upset if I didn’t it was eat because it’s not affecting my weight. I just ate whatever the outcome.

This time was different. Those picture upset me. That wasn’t Marilyn that was just big.

And so, on Monday the 17th of July my Slimming World journey began again. This I hope I will have the stamina to stay with it for life. I don’t want to yo-yo anymore and I’m not happy being big. I will keep a weekly up date here on medium amongst my other posts. I hope you’ll follow along and enjoy my journey.

>>>Part 2 HERE I reached my goal then it all went wrong<<<

>>> Part 4 Here Reflecting on the why? Handed the Ultimate EXCUSE<<<

>>>see me on Instagram @donnaeade81 <<<

>>>Follow me on Facebook @donnatheresawriter <<<

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Donna Eade

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I'm a mother, author and entrepreneur, I own my own photography studio and have just started the Society of Professional Wedding Vendors. http://bit.ly/MyfbAu

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