Just another Fat Girl story… pt1

I say that because it’s a story that has been told a thousand times except this one is mine. I have always had the ability to put myself in someone else’s shoes, so I constantly fight with myself because I am told you’re not that big. Or worse you’re not as big as ‘x’. I realise this but being smaller than ‘x’ doesn’t make me anymore comfortable in my skin and just adds guilt to my self hate because now I feel I should be feeling grateful I’m only this fat.

I have yo-yo’d my whole life, I was 11 years old when I went on my first diet. I thought I was fat but the truth was, I wasn’t, I was just a curvy girl. I have an hour glass figure, my bust took a while to catch up it I’ve maintained an almost perfect 10inch difference between my hips and waist and my bust and waist for as long as I can remember. I was just a different shape to the girls I thought were slim. I didn’t realise that at the time and so began the yo-yo.

I won’t tell you of all the ups and downs over the next 20 years. That would fill a book and I’m not sure you’d be that interested. I do want to take you back to 2014 and the image that seriously kicked me into gear. Strange isn’t it how you can have plenty of images but it’s a particular ONE that hits home and hits home hard.

It was an awards evening and I don’t suppose I did myself any favours taking my extremely fit personal trainer my sister! My sister has the same parents but we couldn’t look more different. She wore a black slinky number her figure looked amazing. I wore a royal blue slinky number and 2 sets of spanks and I looked like sausage meat squeezed into a blue skin.

If I’d wore a better dress I’d have not felt the same it was the wrong material for me and I know that but at the time I’d been looking at myself in a mirror not looking at what others saw and in front of your own mirror you know how to hold yourself to look the best. I’m grateful in a way to have made such a bad wardrobe choice because it made me take action. I was determined that the next awards night I’d look damn fine. I was on a mission!

The thing is it doesn’t matter how many people are bigger than you, don’t get me wrong on my dark days I have thought about what how big dress sizes get and thought so what have I got to moan about. It doesn’t matter how many people are thinner than you, again I’ll admit to looking at my thinner counterparts with complete jealousy. I see this jealousy in me and I work to try and be better. What does matter, however, is how I feel in my skin and back in 2014 I felt uncomfortable like the smaller me was being suffocated by the fat.

I’ve never had much success at slimming clubs I’ve done them all over the years, along with some very silly diets, cabbage soup anyone? But SlimmingWorld online was where I found my magic. I earned my 21lbs sticker and I was over the moon. I got a more structured dress for the awards night and I felt amazing. (Let’s avoid the hair mishap and the ghostly paleness of my makeup choices.) I felt comfortable in my skin for the first time in a very long time. Along with SW online I discovered salsa dancing and it made me feel amazing. I was fit, healthy and had a new social life, new friends and a great new hobby.

If you liked this please give it a thumbs up. And give me a follow as I’ll be adding to this story over the coming weeks. Next up, how it all went wrong.

>>>>PART 2 HERE Where it all went wrong<<<<

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