Trying to find your calm when crazy is all around you.
Life is a different journey for everyone and everyone’s interpretation of their experience is individual. Some cope better than others that’s just life.

I have had some huge life changing points in my three and a half decades. I almost lost my life twice, one of those times a guy went to prison for attempted murder and the other, well, lets just say a 1 litre car is no match for two arctic lorries. I had my heart broken by my boyfriend and my best friend at the same time. I became a single mum aged 21 and had to sell the home we were living in. I was in a mentally abusive relationship for 4 years before I finally got the courage to say ‘no more’. Any of these could have broken me and similar things have broken others beyond repair.
I’m still here. I’m still surviving.
I am however, very lost. These circumstances take their toll. They fundamentally have changed my make up, who I am, how I act. They have led me to where I am today. Without each of them happening when they did in the order they did I wouldn’t be me. I often look at where my life would be if life hadn’t twisted and turned the way it did. Or how it could’ve turned out if I’d let any one of those things consume me for too long.
My daughter is my constant without her I believe things could’ve turned out very differently but without the tings that happened before her conception, she might never have been conceived. So, if there is such a great plan in place, everything working together to bring me to my full potential then why can’t I work out what I’m meant to be doing?
My work life is the one place that has never really got to where I wanted it. My life plan changed at 16 and from there I never really had a direction. I went to university as a mature student with a 9 year old to look after, still a single parent and I succeeded in completing it with a 2:1 in History with Creative Writing. Still I had no career direction. Now I sit here with a lots of ideas in my head of what I want to do to make money and no idea of what will work. Social media shows all these apparent successes and lifestyles that I can only dream about at the moment. It partly inspires me and has me believe if they can, so can I but on the other hand has me questioning how much is the truth and how much is smoke and mirrors.
Focus and clarity is what is needed however, I feel like I need a 6 month break from my life to get it.
The merry-go-round that is the routine I currently live on, just doesn’t seem to stop long enough for me to catch my breath and then do the work needed to discover my why. I know my purpose is there, I believe the only reason I’m still here and sound is because my experiences mean something, and I have a higher purpose but what it is and how to monetise it is beyond my understanding right now.
What I do know is my personal life is grand, my daughter is my biggest blessing, I have super friends and lovely family. My career is the last piece on my puzzle. Career and money, equals stability, a home of our own, holidays we dream of, job satisfaction and more happiness. No one should feel physically sick going to work, no one should get tension headaches and lock jaw because of a job. Things have to change and change soon.