Are you really an easy-going person or just people pleasing?
This dawned on me recently when I was having a conversation with someone and at the end I thought, “huh, that’s what I did all this time. All those times I thought I was easy-going, all I did was default the decision to someone else.” And don’t get me wrong, I don’t mean having to make a decision all the time and sometimes it truly doesn’t matter either way. “I don’t care what movie we watch, you pick”, is how the conversation goes sometimes and it’s the truth.
But, I do believe there is a difference between going with the flow and wanting to just be accepted and do what the other person wants or do what we think is expected of us. Maybe it’s because we just want to be liked, or not rock the boat, or because we are not sure ourselves what we want, maybe we don’t trust ourselves because we haven’t listened to our voice and have grown accustomed to ignoring it?
When I was young, I learned to be a people pleaser. Now, I do think that it’s part of my nature because I do enjoy serving and doing for others, but I noticed that the trend of just accepting and assuming followed me throughout my adult years. I was ok with other people making decisions and never really exercised following thru on what was going on inside of me or what I was pulled toward doing, soon I found that I lost myself somewhat and didn’t even like making the littlest of decisions. “You pick, You choose, I don’t care where we eat”, “I’ll just get any job”, I thought. Then coming to the point of realizing that I just kind of floated thru life and felt like I never really participated.
I want to make a distinction between asserting yourself always and being easy-going. There is a fine line and there should be a balance between the times when it counts and when it’s ok to let go. There is a balance between trusting yourself and trusting others and knowing when to share your voice and letting others share theirs.
Learning to make decisions, whether big or small, helps us to grow and know ourselves better. They give us confidence and help us overcome fears; of not being accepted, of not picking the right path, of not making a good choice; of making mistakes, but that is how we grow.
Decisions are not about making the right choice, but at it’s core, it’s about learning and being connected with yourself and with others because you are being authentic. So don’t be a people-pleaser for the wrong reasons, do it because you want to be gracious and not fake or fearful.
Peace, Love and Decision making,