Narcissistic Sociopaths & Love Afterword

It’s a heartbreaking bit of time to wait, before you realize you were just a distraction. To be left behind. To never hear a response from someone who seemed so sure that you were worth communicating with.

The relationships — platonic or romantic — that immediately follow the narcissistic sociopath in your life are the hard ones. Coupled with their susceptibility to the attempts by the narcissistic sociopath to manipulate your public image, the bullying by the narc & their intimates, your friends’ processing of your healing process, and the daunting level of responsibility you must take for the actions you performed while coping with & recovering from the abuse? It can get scary.

The shame of being locked out of your community is something so devastating, so very crushing. You had to remove yourself from the immediate circle of abuse and then move on to wonder who was listening to the rumors, who was believing the grapevine over you. It is most apparent after you have gone into recovery mode: You are standing up and growing into your new body/heart/mind but there are still people in your community who haven’t heard the lies & even the truths about you.

Will they listen to the gossip, or will they come to you and ask, “Is this true?” “What happened?” “Are you okay?”

People desire to be a part of a community and when you come out of a relationship with someone who is intent on erasing you, assassinating your character, smearing your reputation and using other relationships as leverage to do so — you are not a part of a community anymore. You are undesirable. You aren’t as attractive a member of society as before. You are a threat to the narc’s reputation and ability to acquire the narcissistic supply you provided throughout the entirety of your relationship depending upon whether or not you decided to tell someone and stop defending their behavior.

And even activists will not believe you a lot of the time. The sort of education needed to recover from a relationship with a narcissistic sociopath is not the kind I had received in all my time as a loud advocate for the marginalized. With 15 years of developing programming, producing events, marketing causes & businesses that lined up with my hope for communities that needed care & attention, nothing could prepare me for the betrayal & criticism from those working within the movements I had made vital to my life.

After you are out of the immediate vicinity of the narcissistic abuser, all of your relationships are in the balance. You will wonder who their enablers are, who informs them, & what’s worse — who will utilize their motives toward you to benefit themselves?

It is often the quietists who aid these victims. It is often the good listeners who speak their few words to the survivors and a reminder enters the room— a reminder that this sort of thing does happen, that there are triggers, and that some people understand.

There is another life for you. You are valuable. You’ve got skills. You’ll learn how to use them again.