When I was writing my memoir, I was faced with this same question. A family member, who is a published poet, suggested I go with my real name, and keep all the rest real. She told me that I didn’t do anything in my life to be ashamed of.
Even more important, she told me that the writing would have more juice for me if it was real.
I did mention some of my university professors by name and pointed out their abuses. I don’t think they knew I wrote a memoir.
In my opinion, there isn’t any rule here. One needs to go with one’s gut on this issue. It’s very personal and depends a lot on the life and writing circumstances.