An interesting afternoon, to say the least.

Then there was the time I sat across from Wolfie.

Sounds like a cartoon character, doesn’t it? But Wolfie was anything but a funny cartoon character. Wolfie was a chapter president for the Bandidos outlaw motorcycle gang, and one afternoon I sat in his house with three other full-patched club members, all of whom were looking at me like I was Bambi who had just bounced into a den of hungry wolves.

Outside, the house was surrounded by an eight-foot high chain link fence topped with strips of razor wire, with a half dozen pitbulls nervously pacing in the fenced…


Set yourself up for success.

Golf bets are won or lost on the first tee.

Before the first ball is even hit.

Golfers will know what I am talking about. If you are not a golfer, then let me explain.

All men are not created equal. And nowhere is that more evident than on a golf course. On one end of the spectrum you have someone like Tiger Woods who shoots in the mid 60s, and on the other end of the spectrum you have someone like me who shoots in the mid 110s. Based on those numbers, you might say I am twice the…


Be patient. Just wait.

Yesterday was Donald Trump’s last day in office as the President of the United States of America.

Some people are sad. Others are ecstatic.

I know the latter group was mortified when Trump was sworn in four years ago. They were pretty sure the world was going to end. They thought there was no way they could make it for four whole years. Their entire life was ruined. They couldn’t sleep. They couldn’t eat. They just wanted to dig a hole and crawl into it for four years.

But guess what? Trump left yesterday. He’s gone, at least as the…


Make it with quality. Make it with pride. Make it last.

It was cold this morning here in Tampa, Florida.

A chilly 54 degrees.

For people up North that seems warm, but for us Floridians, when it drops into the 50s we’re breaking out the parkas and the sled dogs. I left the Tommy Bahama shorts in the closet and grabbed a pair of blue jeans this morning. Even put on socks for the first time this year.

So when I saw my son later in the day and he was wearing a thick blue cardigan sweater, I wasn’t surprised.

“Did you know that was my father’s sweater?”

“Yes, you tell…


“You need people like me so you can point your fuckin’ fingers and say, ‘That’s the bad guy.’”

You would never think of my buddy Johnny C. as being patriotic.

He is well known, though, in the major metropolitan city where he lives and you might even say notorious depending on how you feel about cock rings and butt plugs.

Johnny C. is no stranger to the front page of the daily newspaper, courtesy of his many high profile battles with City Hall over his right to operate retail stores that sell products for enhancing the sex life of consenting adults. His city is one of the murder capitals of this country and is ranked in the Top…


Some day even you may have a winning story to tell.

“Well, that reporter just pulled a Pat Perry,” said a copy editor at the daily newspaper where I worked as a copyboy.

I was busy cutting the Associated Press wire printouts into individual news stories for the news editor when the copy editor looked up from his computer screen. I knew he was commenting on a news story he had just read, but I wasn’t interested in what that story was. I wanted to know what a ‘Pat Perry’ was. So I asked.

The copy editor, who was old, and the news editor, who was even older, looked at each…


That certainly was not a fair fight.

Imagine you are a monkey.

But not a carefree monkey flitting from tree to tree in the Amazon rain forest, enjoying ripe bananas and an occasional female chimp.

No, imagine you are a monkey behind bars in a zoo.

But not a world famous zoo like the 100-acre San Diego Zoo or the 265-acre Bronx Zoo that both draw visitors from around the world.

No, imagine you are a monkey in Zoo Boise.

Now imagine while you are sitting in your cage one night, wondering how you ended up in Boise, Idaho of all places, a young man breaks into…


And we, of course, are all idiots.

As human beings, we become acclimated to and accepting of anything and everything.

Take taxes, for example.

We all complain about them, but we keep paying them. I am in the 30 percent federal tax bracket. That means that 30 cents out of every single dollar I earn goes to a business partner who I don’t particularly like, and who I don’t think is pulling his fair share of the load. …


The different repercussions of speaking without thinking.

Sucks to be a Karen now.

Not as in a white, middle-aged woman throwing a public tantrum and thus being called a Karen on social media. No, it sucks to have been born with the name Karen and to all of a sudden in the year 2020 have that name be universally known as a synonym for a white, middle-aged woman throwing a pubic tantrum.

What if your name is Karen and you’ve never thrown a tantrum? What if your name is Karen and you are Black, Hispanic, Asian or Native American?

Reminds me of the name Bruce and how…


We will break on through to the other side.

My son — and I presume your children as well — is an expert on computers.

Doesn’t matter if it’s a desktop computer or a laptop or an iPad or a smartphone. If it’s not working right, if it’s locking up, if it’s giving error messages, my son knows how to fix it.

“Just reboot that bitch,” he will say and unplug the device.

“Give it a few minutes,” he will then say knowingly.

And 9 times out of 10, when you plug the device back in, the problem is gone.

That’s what we are doing now. All around the…

Don Waitt

Don Waitt writes things. Actually what he does is rant and rave a lot. Somebody has to. More mayhem at donwaitt.com

Get the Medium app

A button that says 'Download on the App Store', and if clicked it will lead you to the iOS App store
A button that says 'Get it on, Google Play', and if clicked it will lead you to the Google Play store