Liberty Is Not What You Think

Lady Doesn’t Get It

The following briefing was delivered by Martin Heidegger’s Hologram before Donald Trump’s commencement address to Liberty University on May 13, 2017. The Hologram is the Assistant White House Press Secretary (not to be confused with the Deputy White House Press Secretary). I did some fact checking and all his quotes check out.

Some people might be confused by a locked-down, strictly conservative, Christian school being called “Liberty,” so I’d like to say a few words to those people. You probably assume that liberty means freedom to do whatever you want, say whatever you want, and think whatever you want. But you’re wrong. Only faith brings liberty, because a firm belief is freedom from having to think at all. And once you have the correct beliefs, you will say the right things and do the right things. You will be liberated from the vain desirings of this world.

The present can never be understood without looking at the past, so let me take you back, all the way back to the first speech that our leader delivered at Liberty University, in 2012. To understand what Liberty University values, let us look at the adjectives they used to introduce him:

greatest, luxurious, prestigious, world renowned, largest, great, grand central, empire state, highest paid, tough, most competitive, top, number one, influential, most successful

This, now, is the liberty that our entire nation knows. The liberty of being number one, of being grand and central, of being in a state of empire. There is nothing left to want. We tire only of winning.

If you can figure out a way to make lots of money and pay no taxes, that is liberty. If government policy hinders your negotiations with Chinese companies, then become the government. That is liberty. If you are being investigated, fire your investigator. That is liberty.

There will be many obstacles in your way, but your belief will destroy them. Our leader calls them entrenched interests, failed power structures, and a broken establishment. You may know them as culture, standards, laws and regulations. All can be brought down by true believers, and they are being brought down, not just by “very important signings,” but by you, “practicing your faith.”

The same people who misunderstand liberty talk about human rights. You have a right to your faith. You have a “right to pray.” You have a “right to follow.” Your leader knows this, he will speak of this today, and he will defend your rights with all the money and lives that are now at his disposal.

As he will explain to you, your leader is an “outsider.” The outside has come inside. It’s like a reverse Pandora’s box. As he will tell you, “Do what you love.” Freedom comes from the same word as “friend” and it means “love.” Believe what our leader believes, love what our leader loves, and you will be free.

Liberty is not what you think. It’s what you know.

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