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Dooley M
Dooley M

5 Followers

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Jun 26, 2022

I Relocated a Spider

I relocated a spider this morning before my shower saying, “You do you, just not in the bathtub.” Feeling how life has relocated me. Remembering the many times I’ve ushered flying insects out of the house, waving my hands, creating turbulence in the air. It must have been very confusing until freedom. I was comfortable where I was. I was safe, warm. Then the currents change, almost undetectable at first. Then more and more certainly. Time to move on. Into the sun, into light, into a world larger and more strange and vibrant than I could have ever imagined.

1 min read

I Relocated a Spider
I Relocated a Spider

1 min read


May 22, 2022

I Thought I Saw Her on the Train Platform Last Night

I was coming back from a circus show in North Beach. I had gotten there by train, the same train I took to visit my mother when she was in San Francisco living on the street. (She’s doing the same now in San Jose.) Going out I remembered the weight…

Homelessness

2 min read

I Thought I Saw Her on the Train Platform Last Night
I Thought I Saw Her on the Train Platform Last Night
Homelessness

2 min read


Jan 13, 2022

My Mentally Ill, Homeless Mother and COVID-19

Turning the new year and coming on the two year anniversary of the COVID lockdown, I am thinking about my mother and her challenges over the past couple years. When we went into lockdown, she was staying at a hotel. She thought that she was having money added to her…

Covid-19

2 min read

My Mentally Ill, Homeless Mother and COVID-19
My Mentally Ill, Homeless Mother and COVID-19
Covid-19

2 min read


Nov 10, 2021

Where Do I Start When I Talk About My Mentally-Ill Mother?

I could start with the first time she was hospitalized, in what was supposed to be my last year of college. In the hospital, she greeted me in her nightgown with one of my stuffed animals, a mouse, in her hand. …

Homelessness

3 min read

Homelessness

3 min read


May 6, 2021

I’m Tired of This

I don’t want to talk with her. If I talk with, I’m reminded of how bad the situation is. I’m reminded of her delusions. I’m reminded of her struggles, her vulnerability. I’m reminded that I can’t help her because she won’t let me. I don’t want to try to find…

Heartbreak

1 min read

Heartbreak

1 min read


Sep 23, 2019

Compassion and Expression

Something is changing the way I express my compassion, how I feel compassion. Something is different and it may look like I’m lacking compassion. One thing I have noticed in caring for my mother is a basic change in my temperament. I have had to learn to tolerate a new…

Compassion

3 min read

Compassion and Expression
Compassion and Expression
Compassion

3 min read


Sep 21, 2019

Staying in Her Life

I meet her now for lunch. We share food and conversation. I can check in on how she’s doing. She can see that nothing bad is happening to me. Her mind is lively. She’s still interested in art, architecture, politics. She showed me a couple political books she’s read lately…

Acceptance

2 min read

Staying in Her Life
Staying in Her Life
Acceptance

2 min read


Jun 30, 2019

An Unexpected Benefit of Self-Care

Self-care comes naturally to some people. I am not one of them. Self-care has long been difficult. In the past several years it has become even more challenging. In my support group, we go around the circle at the end of the meeting to talk about what we’re doing to…

Family

2 min read

An Unexpected Benefit of Self-Care
An Unexpected Benefit of Self-Care
Family

2 min read


Apr 28, 2019

She’s Going to Disappear For a While

She asks me if I even spoke in Meddler. I tell her no, I don’t even know what Meddler is, except for what she has told me. She says it’s a communication system. She says that someone in Meddler spoke to her who she hadn’t heard before. She had a…

Homelessness

2 min read

She’s Going to Disappear For a While
She’s Going to Disappear For a While
Homelessness

2 min read


Feb 7, 2019

A New Walk

I was walking through the city today, seeing people wrapped in blankets sleeping on the sidewalk, elders sorting through their belongings, women my mother’s age, women homeless as mother is. I thought it was the alienation I have been feeling towards this city, how we allow this. It is also the knowledge that these are people. Each person has a story, a read life that has brought them here. They are not only like my mother, they are my mother.

1 min read

A New Walk
A New Walk

1 min read

Dooley M

Dooley M

5 Followers

Dooley M is the daughter of a funny, loving, smart, schizoaffective, and currently homeless mother. https://www.dooleym.com

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