This isn’t even my final form

Hello. Uhh… again. Hello, again.
There’s something terrifying about starting over.

It was 11 years ago that I started this adventure. Well, I mean, that one was a started-over as well. But I guess that’s what it always feels like.

Anyway, I picture myself strapped into a rocket ship. It’s a different rocket ship than the one from 11 years ago. I don’t know where it’s going. Heck, I don’t even know where it’s pointing. It might explode. I don’t exactly know what I’m trying to accomplish, or how this rocket ship is supposed to work. I mean, at least I had the last one kind of figured out…

Why do I have to change right when I had the old thing figured out? That’s what gets me the most. It took me 11 years to finally get the last ship pointed in the right direction. Moving towards the right stars. Shooting for the right galaxy. 11 years figuring out what stories I wanted to tell and how I wanted to tell them. Trying and, in some small way, succeeding at finding my voice. At giving voice to my own stories, in my own way. It feels like I had a good thing going, and then…

Blank slate.

Not exactly, though. I mean, the historical context is still there. I think part of what I want to do is to make new connections through the stories I told in the past. To look back and find the themes that I couldn’t see when I was in the middle of them. To turn something that was old into something that’s new again.

And, in so doing, maybe to become someone new at the same time.

They say that the first toast is to love. And by “they,” I definitely mean some orange spray paint that I found on the pavement somewhere. But I feel like it could be true. I love to bear witness to the stories I find in the world, and I also love sharing those stories with the folks who might find them interesting. And to some extent, I love finding ways to tell the stories that I couldn’t tell last week… last month… last year…

My hope is that Medium will help me do that. The blog will keep going as well, but the two will be operating on different time scales. Or maybe, in different directions. The blog tells brand new stories, and Medium presents novel patterns and themes in the stories that I’ve already written. The blog focuses on writing, and Medium focuses on curating. Or something…

I don’t really know what’s about to happen. But I definitely know that the last first time I hit the Publish button, it was the right choice.

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