Here’s To Woman Looking For Their ‘Perfect Guy’
Let Him Come To You
Here’s the guy all women want: handsome, independent, hard-working, “knows what he wants in life and isn’t afraid to go get it,” has goals of his own, doesn’t need to be hand-held, doesn’t need you to be his mother, has a cordial relationship with his own mother, takes care of his finances, is emotionally mature, doesn’t carry drama, has great friends and you like his friends, he inspires you and is open enough so that you can inspire him, strong yet understanding, “manly” but can still snuggle and play, classy, respectful, and at the end of the day isn’t afraid to step into his power, shut the door, gently press you up against the wall, give your hair a little pull, tilt your chin up, and…
Did I get all that right?
Ok. So for all you women that don’t know, the above guy does actually exist. But he also doesn’t need you. Just sit on that for a second. He is the way he is because he stands on his own two feet. He’s not looking for someone to lean on. He’s looking for someone to stand beside, together.
If that’s the kind of man you want, do not pull at him. Do not ask a million times why you can’t spend more time together. Do not be passive aggressive. Do not try to make him feel guilty for not seeing you. Etc. Etc. These are INSTANT turn-offs.
He is the way he is because he values his time and he has goals for himself. And while he may want you and want to incorporate you into his life, he will not sacrifice himself for you. And if that’s what you want, then you’re looking for a boy — not a man.
However: I promise you that if you don’t push or pull at him, and instead let him come to you, he will do so naturally. He will begin to want you even more. Crave you. He will start making more and more time for you because he is able to make the choice himself — instead of being told what to do.
I realize this is entirely dependent upon the person, but I think this is worthwhile to share.
The “perfect guy” will always offer to pay — and most likely, end up paying — for whatever it is you do together. Dinner, movies, drinks, boat ride across the lake, whatever. He will, and he won’t mind doing it. However (and this is especially true for younger couples, before the guy has really started “making money”), women, that doesn’t mean the “perfect guy” isn’t aware of his investment.
The truth is, unless your “perfect man” is someone with an unlimited bank account, every single male on the face of this planet, in some form of consciousness, is very aware of how much the girl they are with costs. I’ve been with girls that insisted we split everything — much more manageable on the wallet. I’ve been with girls where it was expected I pay for everything — a more costly investment. I’m not saying men don’t like doing this — we are perfectly fine with doing it. IF, IF, there is some form of reciprocation.
This doesn’t have to be in the form of money.
For one, “men” want to know that their efforts aren’t expected, but appreciated. An expensive dinner isn’t about the bill, it’s about the thought. So women, it’s not so much about matching the bill as much as it is finding ways to show appreciation. After all, the man is showing his appreciation for you in picking the place, paying for the cabs, the food, the drinks, the whole “ordeal.”
As much as men want to appear as stone figures with no feelings, that’s so not the case. It takes very little to make a man happy (and I’m not talking about reciprocating nice dinners with after-dinner bedroom events). Women, if he’s planning dinner dates and taking you out and paying, why don’t you spend a little time investigating his interests and taking him somewhere? Doesn’t have to be expensive — could be free! But it’s the adventure and the experience that will show that you are as interested in appreciating him as he is to you.
A lot of women forget this.
Because the truth is, the “perfect guy” you want is going to be successful — in some form or fashion. He’s going to want to take care of you. He’s going to treat you like gold. But on your end, that shouldn’t be the “expectation.” That shouldn’t be your place of “comfort.” As much as he wants a beautiful woman he connects with by his side, or across from him at dinner, he also wants a Best Friend. Someone that will find little ways to make his life more playful and fun.
You Know Your Value
I use the word “value” here in a sense far beyond the physical.
“The perfect guy” is the way that he is because he is hungry to learn. He is always moving and always growing. And even if you both are on the same page today, you might not be tomorrow. There is a good chance that he will out-grow you.
Women, if you want “the perfect guy,” then it’s your job to continue investing in yourself. This point gets mistaken all the time. Women think it’s about “being the best woman FOR HIM.” No, no, no. You’ve got it all backwards. The Man you desire doesn’t want you to be someone for HIM. He wants you to be someone for YOURSELF. He wants you to wake up, look in the mirror, and love what you see. He wants you to have the heart to follow your own dream. He wants you to express yourself without apology. He wants you to be comfortable in your own skin. He wants you to see what he sees — he wants you to love yourself FIRST.
If you want to attract “the perfect guy,” keep a strong focus on your development as a person. Yes, relationships are balance and it means giving to your significant other, but so much of the tough work gets taken care of when both parties stay in-tune with who they are individually.
Keep investing in yourself, ladies, and you will inherently inspire the man to keep improving himself as well — and you will make each other better for it.
Trust, Trust, Trust
Did he just go talk to that girl?
Did his cell phone light up at two in the morning?
Where was he all afternoon?
Question 1: Yes, and she was probably a friend.
Question 2: Yes, probably a drunk friend or work.
Question 3: With his friends.
Women, your “perfect guy” is going to have friends (who may also be girls) — and that’s a good thing. His cell phone is going to light up at two in the morning because he works hard. And he was gone all afternoon because he has a life of his own.
But that doesn’t mean he’s doing anything to hurt you.
The reason your “perfect guy” is the way that he is, is because he has learned to trust himself. He is successful because he trusts himself to carry things out to the end. He has confidence because he trusts himself to handle any and every situation. He follows his heart because he trusts his heart is telling him something important.
If you start bringing a lack of trust into the relationship, questioning little things he does, he is going to leave. Why? Because self trust is a very difficult trait to harness. It takes practice — lots and lots of practice — and once you have it and you see what you can do with it, you don’t let anything get in the way. If you are a male that has truly found the ability to trust yourself, you will put that ahead of everything — including a smoking hot girlfriend.
Women, if you find a guy that has this quality, do not mistake it. It is not the sign of a “Playboy” or someone that is going to rip your heart in two. It’s the sign of a man who knows what he wants and trusts in his ability to get it. And if he wants you and he’s picked you, don’t start questioning that. Because it will be your questioning that will ultimately make him begin to question you.
Versatility Prevents Monotony
(Again, could be bedroom focused but let’s think deeper than that…)
Women, your “perfect man” has tons of different sides. Doesn’t he? That’s what you love most about him.
What men like that want is a woman that can play in all areas of life. They are looking for a woman who can get dressed up and go out with him to a formal event, and at the same time be completely content with throwing on some sweatpants and spending the night in. A woman who can have crazy amounts of fun while also being able to quiet down and talk deeply. A woman who can be both supportive and challenging, in a way that is positive and encourages the man to grow. A woman who can appreciate both the business side of the man, the discipline and the focus and the hard work, and also the expressive part of the man, the creativity, the play, the goofyness.
Versatility in a relationship is so key, and although a lot of people are afraid to show all parts of their personality, they do exist — and at some point will make an appearance. “The perfect guy” already acknowledges these parts within himself, and seeks their expression. Not one, not several, not a select few — but all. And he’s looking for a woman that can appreciate, or at least understand, all sides, and offer some sort of reciprocal connection. Maybe it’s vocalized, maybe it’s silent and shared in the form of listening, but regardless there is some sort of connection that gives each element of his personality an avenue to express itself.
Again, this does not come by “becoming who you think he wants.” Who you are will inherently be good enough. So by being true to yourself, women, and realizing your own dimensions and personality aspects, you will be able to provide the level of depth and versatility he is looking for.
For that, he will never be bored. And he will forever be curious.
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