Two ways of keeping your relationship healthy
First, I need to say this — I’m not an expert when it comes to relationships. This article comes from my own experiences, and is based on two things I do most of the time to keep my relationships healthy.
Second, this article is intended for everyone who has any type of relationship, not for couples and people that love each other only. You can use these two methods with your friends and even family in order to keep that relationship going.
So, how did I get to know these two methods, and why you may want to apply them?
After a lot of friendships and some love relationships that failed, I found out two things that helped me get through tough times easier, with just a little bit of sacrifice from me.
Don’t worry, I’m not gonna ask you to spend all your money, or to humiliate yourself in order to keep things the way you want. I’m just gonna give you two methods that will help you make your friend or partner happier and forget about your mistakes easier.
I should also mention this — if you make a huge mistake or you say things you are not supposed to say, or if you do something you’re not supposed to do… well, then you’re on your own. These two methods won’t help you with that. Keep in mind that if you care about your relationship, you need to be careful enough with the other person and do your best not to be a jerk.
So, let’s begin, shall we?
Learn how to say sorry more often
One of the biggest problems people have in their relationship is not the mistakes they make, because everyone makes mistakes — is the lack of ability to say “I’m sorry for what I did”.
Those few simple words can get you more than you think. I realized that after a lot of failed relationships with all kind of people that I liked. I made a lot of mistakes that I thought weren’t that bad, and I never apologized for them.
Of course, your first few mistakes won’t matter that much. If you meet someone today, and you make a small mistake after a few days, it won’t matter. But in time, the other person will start remembering all your mistakes you never apologized for — and that can be fatal to your relationship.
As I said, I had many failed relationships and one of the ways I managed to keep my friends close to me, and for longer periods of time, was by apologizing more often, even if I didn’t think I’m wrong.
Yes, sometimes you’re right and the other person is wrong, but do those things always matter? If you fight over a stupid thing, does it matter who’s wrong and who’s right? If you have a contradictory discussion, is it worth fighting and destroying your relationship with the other person just so you can be right?
I don’t think so.
And another thing that may help you — let’s say you have an argument over something. No one is right, no one is wrong, but you are both kind of mad at each other. It doesn’t matter who won the argument, or who’s fault was, you can always be the one who says “I’m sorry”.
It doesn’t matter if you don’t always feel it. I realized, after a few fights with certain people, that if I don’t say sorry in 5 or 10 minutes, I will feel sorry anyway after a few hours or days. The only problem is that after all that time I may not say sorry anyway, because I already found enough reasons not to.
So, the best way I managed to solve this problem was by taking 5 or 10 minutes to stay on my own, in silence, then apologize for what I did even if I don’t feel sorry at the moment. Why? Because I will feel sorry anyway.
And even if I don’t feel sorry in the near future, most of the time I will regret destroying my relationship with the other person, so I’d rather just say “Okay, I’m sorry, I should not have done/say that” than lose my friend or my lover over a stupid argument.
I know it’s a hard thing to do, and I know saying “sorry” makes you feel weak, but I can’t even tell you how many people said they appreciated the fact that I apologized even if it wasn’t always my fault.
And just to make myself clear — it doesn’t matter if you’re a girl or a boy. You don’t have to always wait for the other person to say “sorry”. If you care about the relationship you have with a certain person, you’ll say sorry for the sake of the relationship, and you’ll just forget about the argument.
Do nice things for the other person
Surprise the other person with small things you don’t really care about all the time. If you have a love relationship with the other person, and you’re a man for example, just leave that computer or TV for 5 minutes and do the dishes.
It sounds stupid, I know, it is stupid for me too, but doing that little stupid thing may make the other person happy, and it will make him or her appreciate what you did.
Apply this little thing to all your relationships and you’ll see a huge improvement.
Let’s say your best friend has to go somewhere to do something. You don’t have to go, because he or she doesn’t really need your help. You can just go home and relax, instead of walking 2 or 3 more kilometers just to wait for your best friend.
But what if you tell him or her you want to go, and you actually go with them? Again, it’s a little thing, because you actually don’t help your best friend with anything, but it’s a small “favor” that can be appreciated by the other person. You took some of your personal time and you walked with him or her. That’s a nice thing to do.
I can’t tell you the amount of nice little things I did for some people, that don’t really matter, but that strengthened our relationship, because the other person really appreciated my gesture.
You don’t have to do something big, you don’t have to buy the other person something expensive, you don’t have to buy tickets and go to Hawaii or something like that, you just have to do small little things to make the other person’s life easier.
Clean the house, walk with your friend, wait for him or her, do the dishes, get out the trash, feed the animals, offer to do his or her homework if he or she is too busy with something else.
Those little things that don’t seem to matter are actually important for some people, and if there’s something i know, it’s that whenever people did those kind of little things for me, I was really grateful and I liked them more.
Bonus — learn how to accept the other person for what he or she is
Here’s a little bonus, a small thing that will help you avoid some arguments in the future — learn how to accept the other person and what he or she likes.
I don’t mean you should accept whatever they say or do just because we’re all different and we all have our ways of doing things. No, that’s wrong, especially because in the future you will get tired of how he or she behaves, and it may lead to a huge argument.
What I mean is that you need to learn how to accept little things that you don’t understand, things that you may not agree with.
For example, one of my best friends is still in school. I quit college because I did not like anything there, and I considered it to be a waste of time for me and what I was doing at the moment. And I still consider going to college a waste of time in some cases.
My friend does not think that. I have a lot of friends that have a huge faith in school and disagree with me. I could argue with them all day, and I could even fight with them over that stupid topic.
But is it worth? Everyone has their own beliefs, and everyone has their own expectations from life. What I think is right may be wrong for other people. I don’t like schools in my country for several reasons, but that doesn’t mean everyone should think the same.
Let’s give you another example — let’s say your friend listens to a type of music you don’t like, or you hate. You can do whatever you can to make him or her change his or her type of music, but that won’t get you far, and it may even hurt your relationship.
Instead, one thing that you can do is accept that your friend is different, explain to him or her that you don’t like that kind of music, and ask them politely not to listen to that music without headphones if they are with you.
Most of the time they will do that. If they don’t, it’s just because they don’t really care about what you think, and that’s a problem you two need to solve in a different way.
But understanding that other people are different than us, understanding that some people may like or dislike things we like or dislike, and learning how to accept that, can be a huge factor in keeping your relationship healthy.
A healthy relationship, no matter what kind of relationship is, does not require you to make huge sacrifices. It only requires you to do little things for the other person, for the sake of doing it.
I realized after a while that all you have to do to keep a relationship healthy is to forget about yourself for a little bit and care more about the other person. It may sound hard, but it’s not.
There are sacrifices to be made, but they are not big, and I’m pretty sure they are not important for you, most of the time but they can really make a difference. Doing the dishes for a week just because your partner is tired, may help your relationship more than you think.
So, there you have it — three small things you can do to keep your relationship healthier: learn how to say “I’m sorry” more often, even if you don’t think you’re wrong, do small things for others, even if it’s something you don’t really consider to be that important, and learn how to accept people for what they are — we’re all different.
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