The Other Side of the Forgiveness Coin

In my first article, I talked about forgiving others. This article discusses the other side of that coin.

You may ask, ‘What does she mean by that statement?’ I’ll illustrate this with Tyler Perry Studios’ movie, ‘Diary of a Mad Black Woman.’ Cicely Tyson’s character, Myrtle, says this to her daughter Kimberly Elise’s character, Helen; ‘When somebody hurts you, they takes power over you; if you don’t forgive them, then they keeps the power. Forgive him, baby, and after you forgive him, forgive yourself.’ Forgiving ourselves is the other side of the ‘Forgiveness’ coin.

Some of you may ask, ‘why is this so important?’ We are never completely free of the painful experience until we include ourselves in the forgiveness process: ‘Why do I need to forgive myself? What have I done?’ You may ask. Here are a few examples:

1. Blaming ourselves for what happened to us — we are not responsible for the actions and behaviors of others. Please don’t make yourself accountable; we can only control ourselves.

2. Wanting (sometimes, doing to them what they have done to us) to do to them what they have done to us — two wrongs don’t make a right.

3. Transfer that pain and hurt to another person — don’t assume that everyone you meet has the same mindset as the person who hurt you. Helen did this to Orlando in the movie and nearly lost him.

We are not totally free from our painful experiences until we manage both sides of the ‘Forgiveness’ coin. Only then can we move forward with our lives and find the happiness we all strive to achieve.

To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you.

— Lewis B. Smedes

Please share your thoughts. Peace and blessings to all of you.